Helping Others. What Does That Look Like for Me?


What Do I Want?

What is my desire for the future?

Big Dream:

self sustaining non-profit to help recycle, renew and help others – My Hope Mercantile as a full time job.


Vet tech, working part time in clinic or other agency.

Part time critter care business, with more hours being able to spend nights at clients houses.

Part time non-profit ministry

Part time fostering/adopting

[Notice these are all part time things]

be able to take the yearly trip to Yakima and Iowa

Being available to help others

being able to spend time at other non-profits


minimal time on Hope Mercantile, collect bibles, school to be vet tech, moving, husband transitioning to retirement. minimal time at the critter care business.

Husband told me I could go to school for the end game of getting a job and making money.

I just want to make enough to support my non-profits and have a bit of mad money.

Husband is worried we will be broke when he retires [we won’t, he is just nervous]

I’m not in a good place to make decisions right now with stress from moving, hubby’s retirement and a health concern.

But I wanted to type it all down and try to make sense of it.

Should I switch from vet tech to vet assistant program?

Do I want to work full time +? [no]

Do I want to be committed to just one thing? [no]

Helping others is the goal, recycling, saving, the back room work.

I do not want to be in management, want to be behind the scenes, actually helping people and animals.

How can I have a flexible schedule and make part time money and do all things I want to do?

Am I being selfish that I don’t want to commit to doing just one thing 40+ hours a week?

Right when my husband will be home all the time and we can finally do a bit of stuff together?

I know I have maybe 30 ish more productive years left. and quite frankly, that scares me. I really do not know where all the time went and not ready to die.

I also know I have been blessed to be able to live alone and work when I was younger, felt good to be self sufficient.

Blessed to have had the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. To follow my little dreams of owning my own business.

I know I have helped others, and someday I hope to see the fruit of all that.

If anyone has any advice, I’d gratefully listen


Death Comes Soon to All


A restless soul, watching death and birth…

1“Man who is born of a woman
is few of days and full of trouble.
2He comes out like a flower and withers;
he flees like a shadow and continues not.
3And do you open your eyes on such a one
and bring me into judgment with you?
4Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean?
There is not one.
5Since his days are determined,
and the number of his months is with you,
and you have appointed his limits that he cannot pass,
6look away from him and leave him alone,a
that he may enjoy, like a hired hand, his day.

7“For there is hope for a tree,
if it be cut down, that it will sprout again,
and that its shoots will not cease.
8Though its root grow old in the earth,
and its stump die in the soil,
9yet at the scent of water it will bud
and put out branches like a young plant.
10But a man dies and is laid low;
man breathes his last, and where is he?
11As waters fail from a lake
and a river wastes away and dries up,
12so a man lies down and rises not again;
till the heavens are no more he will not awake
or be roused out of his sleep.
13Oh that you would hide me in Sheol,
that you would conceal me until your wrath be past,
that you would appoint me a set time, and remember me!
14If a man dies, shall he live again?
All the days of my service I would wait,
till my renewalb should come.
15You would call, and I would answer you;
you would long for the work of your hands.
16For then you would number my steps;
you would not keep watch over my sin;
17my transgression would be sealed up in a bag,
and you would cover over my iniquity.

18“But the mountain falls and crumbles away,
and the rock is removed from its place;
19the waters wear away the stones;
the torrents wash away the soil of the earth;
so you destroy the hope of man.
20You prevail forever against him, and he passes;
you change his countenance, and send him away.
21His sons come to honor, and he does not know it;
they are brought low, and he perceives it not.
22He feels only the pain of his own body,
and he mourns only for himself.”


Ministry is…..



Giving when you feel like keeping…
Praying for others when you need prayed for…
Feeding others when your own soul is still hungry…
Living truth before people when you cannot see results…
Hurting for others when your own hurts cannot be spoken…
Keeping your word when it is not convenient…
Being faithful when your own flesh wants to run away.
-Author Unknown

Frontal Lobe …. The Missing Link?


So, if evolution is real…. and to an extent it is…

how did brains become so high functioning that we started to believe in gods?

The frontal lobe is the part of the brain that controls important cognitive skills in humans, such as emotional expression, problem solving, memory, language, judgment, and sexual behavior. It is, in essence, the “control panel” of our personality and our ability to communicate.

The bigger the lobe the bigger the skills to live.

So what happened?

Did a noise or movement occur that was unseen or unknown [like a coconut falling from a tree] that convinced man something unseen was making those things happen?

Was it from the need to blame someone else to misdeeds?

Or was it something to believe in, to have faith in?

To tell their children stories or future, past, or consequences for actions?

To me, this missing link is much more important than the ape to man theory.

Also, I looked at my silly dog today and how is he still a dog? and not evolved into a human like me?

how did a more human like gene get integrated into an animal …. we all know how that happens… sex…but how?

Seems more plausible that all species were created then evolved to their surroundings.

Too much to think about, especially since we are moving and I’m frantically packing .


Musings on….Influencers in My Life


Woke up wondering who was the major players who influenced my life. Good or Bad.

The usual suspects are mother, father [s], my aunt, my husband and son.

But not family related… kind of gave me pause to consider which gender had the most influence on me.

There was Paul, Steve and Bill in high school. Paul, my best friend who I tried to love like he loved me, and failed miserably.

Steve, who was my first love, he broke something inside me…  made me build my first long-lasting walls of protection. Bill, a scorned boyfriend who spray painted the high school wall “Kris Clayton is a bitch” forever  changing my senior year.

I did not have many close girl or guy friends in school.

I do know now that what happens in high school does change or mold a person and regardless of how it may seem to others, only you live that life and only you know how it affects oneself.

Kids who contemplate suicide or use negative coping skills, [cutting, drinking, sex, drugs, etc] probably do not know or were not taught correct coping skills. I digress.

After high school, my aunt and uncle were the most influential. My aunt was super smart and my uncle was a cop. I wanted to be a cop. I lived with them on and off the next few years.

The single years  [age 18 to 27] left me with lots of men but not a lot of influence. I had decided long ago I wouldn’t let another guy hurt me so I kept them at an arms length. Girlfriends were few. I worked. Alot. And women seemed petty. Guys as friends seemed a bit more practical. But they say you can’t just be friends with the opposite sex… I agree to a certain degree.

My husband and my son have the greatest influence on me since 1992. As any of you mothers and wives know… someone being in your life 24-7 does tend to make an impact.

Then there was God. The shadowy father figure no one has seen yet felt. The omni-potentate guardian of our souls. The savior, the priest, the king. All wrapped up in human form…Jesus.

Not wanting to make my Jim and Jesse in line with God, but they together have taught me patience, kindness, compassion, forbearance, love.

I was telling a friend yesterday that I have completely and utterly loved my son since day one and I am proud of him.

And lo and behold, after ‘letting’ God influence me, women friends popped up. Leslie, Dianna, Jacquie, Renee, Pam, Vicki, Genny, Barb, just to name a few. Old and young, wise and dumb 😉

I’ve come to see women friends as kindred spirits, not competition or just petty girls. I have a couple guy friends but they are husbands of my women friends.

i added them up and the genders of influence are equal, but the ladies are more positive than the men.

Who was/is your greatest influence?

2 Nuggets and Some Musings….


And the crowds asked him, “What then shall we do?” And he answered them, “Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise.” Tax collectors also came to be baptized and said to him, “Teacher, what shall we do?” And he said to them, “Collect no more than you are authorized to do.” Soldiers also asked him, “And we, what shall we do?” And he said to them, “Do not extort money from anyone by threats or by false accusation, and be content with your wages.”
Be fair and be content
Luke 3


‘We have the use of the a sailboat and find joy in seeing how the wishes of men and winds have to work together. it is good to bow before the forces of nature as well as to conquer them. the spirit of our time lays such strong emphasis on the conquering, the activity; I find that we also learn from listening, waiting, helpless expectancy. ‘

actually quoted from Thomas R Kelly, A Testament of Devotion.


I have been going through my books and thinning the herd. At 51, I don’t envision having time to read 6 huge boxes worth of theology, bible studies, christian living.

I’m full up to here with theology, denominations against denominations, Calvin VS arminian. The power verses. Romans 8. Which sins are the greatest. Creation Vs evolution.  Whose god is a better god.

I think I am just fed up with religion and mans attempt at wrangling it for his own use.

Tired of religion and politics intermingling.

Tired of being told I am a heretic if my view differs from someone else.

Tired of having to struggle with Christianity and biology.

I just want to love others, help others and do the right thing. Not for the fear of hell, but just because I should and I do. To have my existence make a difference in the world.