Category Archives: marriage

Written in ’06, Still Holds True Today [written to a friend]

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Hey girl

I got a story to tell you:

Once upon a time when I was, oh, lets say about 8 years ago. I was determined to get my life straight and was determined that if R, L and few others were right, then God was for me, and I was hell bent (or heaven bent) on taking everyone with me.

Now, luckily for me, they came, Jim and Jesse.  But as for me being a fanatical reader and with lots of time to read up on all this new ‘Christian’ stuff and determined to know EVERYthing about this God and this religion; I wanted everyone else to have this same ambition.

J, being raised catholic, knew of his God and the fundamentals of works righteousness and confession and the such but I was determined, on a mission actually, to change that in him, to prove his faith wrong, to show him, its GRACE, not works that saves him.

With BSF under my belt and 2 rooms full of books, reformed and not and every minute reading, cuz after the wedding, I went to the funny farm, and then had lots of time to recoup and study. I was determined to make the boys do as I do, (cuz, what the heck, I was doing it right, right?)

After I came out of my fog I started in on him to go to bible study, he was happy and content to ‘just’ go to church, he was going more than I was, I was still determining that alcohol was too much in my life and it had to go.

He loved the church, he loved rich and the people and the service. Jesse loved the service and the kids and we all grew to be able to sit quietly and absorb what we were hearing. Jim went to Sunday school and listened to my ranting over the stuff I have read. I bought him a bible and was determined he should use it as much as I did.

BSF became an option for him only after someone ELSE suggested it to him. But, hey, great, works for me.

Jesse was still in the younger kids’ class, but he was in school, so he didn’t start going until he was in upper elementary. Jesse loved the kids and study and always got his homework done. For Jim, he had to have it done because he needed to know all the answers and if he didn’t know them it was a personal failure. Guys are hardwired like that. It’s the competition thing. Of course he could always look at mine if he didn’t get his done. (When I would let him)

Let me tell you a few things about my hubby.

He sleeps whenever his butt hits a chair, anywhere, anytime.

He works his butt off at work, taking care of problems and babysitting people all day long, never really making a finished product per say. Mental work, not much mechanical (he used to be a mechanic, but became a supervisor about the same time we met 14 years ago) I feel that would be hard on some men, not feeling good because there wasn’t a product that was done by the end of the day, something they had made with their own toil. But my hubby gets problems fixed and things keep moving at Boeing.

He takes care of his family, he is concerned for his extended family, and he lets his wife take care of the house.

He has a few (required) chores to do, outside yard stuff and car maintenance.

Now J has no mechanical skill whatsoever, but is determined to get things fixed around here and will spend hours on one project until it’s done.

He gets up at 3 am to do a load of laundry before work to help me or empty the dishwasher.

He does his BSF, he actually goes day by day, like you’re supposed to do. Sitting at the kitchen table, before dinner.

He was the brain child behind our Sunday school class. I harped on him all week to help me with the planning, but by Saturday he would roll in and help me and we would get it done. I HATE doing things last minute, I harp on him, yelled at him, but I will say more about that later. (he refused to do Sunday school with me again)

He will help anyone anytime anywhere with anything. He has a kind heart, he looks for the good in people, I don’t.

He gives of his money and time. We fought over the 10% tithe thing for a long time, but in time he got up the ‘required’ amount. (And guess what we are not poor and starving because of it)

He worries about his children; he wants them to be good, smart Christian kids. He put both of his kids thru private Christian schools, and will pay for college for both if they want)

He has put up with me for 14 years; most of those years have hard, hard, hard for him, with him not knowing how to help me with alcohol, depression, phobias, mood swings, spending sprees, my anger toward him, holding grudges, and him just never be able to please me. He gets  nagging and crappy attitude from me the majority of the time. He feels he can never do anything right by me.  I AM SO Discontent.

He knows enough of Gods love to tell people at work about it, people know he is a Christian and he acts like it, they come to him for help and to ask for prayers, they respect him. (That’s really all a man wants is respect, from his peers and his wife and kids.)

My heart swells when he tells me of some little thing he has said or done for someone and I just realize ‘it has hit home with him’ THANK YOU GOD.

He cares about the people he knows at work who are sick or hurt or whacked out family members.

He loves animals and doesn’t care who knows about it.

He loves his God, he loves his pastor, he loves his brethren and he shows it. He loves me and all he wants to do is please me.

Now as for me;

When this whole learning about Christianity started out, it was my way or the highway. The homework was to be done when I wanted, how I wanted and the bibles studies also. Also with the chores and house keeping. Over the years the housekeeping thing has mellowed but I have put long hard hours into making my life and theirs a living hell, with the selfish way I act about the stuff I do. (Maybe it’s because it’s the only thing I have ‘control’ over) funny, huh?

By my nagging at him, it tells him, he is not doing it right, there is a right way to do it and its done my way the only way.

I have a suspicious mind and often do not think the best of people, now I’m getting better, but….

I do my bible study my way and should not try not to tell them to do it my way. It doesn’t work.

We have days and times set up for study, like Sunday afternoons are set aside for that. Thursday nights, too. Does it always get done, no. do I get upset, yep.

My hubby sleeps thru church. I’m determined to let him know under no uncertain terms, he is to wake up and pay attention. I should let him sleep, shouldn’t I? Its very disrupting to me, I have a hard enough time concentrating without looking at his head bobbing all morning. J

I fluctuate between just wanting to quit the cleaning all together or just taking all upon myself and not ask them to do anything.

I know there is a happy medium and we are getting there.

All this does not happen over night, years have gone by, and schedules have changed to accommodate each other, mostly me.

We used to do chores, clean the whole house on Saturday mornings with all of us helping. Well after a few years of fighting with that, a counselor helped me to figure out a daily schedule of house chores, do something small, a different room each day. Boy, that’s has worked wonders.

J has a set of chores he does every morning, hasn’t changed in about 6 years, but he has to do them. Mostly animal chores. His responsibility for joy and privilege of having the pets.

I used to not be able to even function enough to do chores, there were many months when Jim did all the chores and went to work and came home to take care of Jesse. I still am probably not fully functional, that’s why I don’t work. I can’t handle the added pressure of work to what I do now. Seems funny most people can work and clean and study and do whatever else they do. But I ride a thin line every day of oh lets say sanity.

My hubby knows I can’t function well and so he lets me stay home. I keep asking God if He wants me to work, but other ideas keep popping in my head, home bible study, dog assisted  therapy, being home to help people when needed, volunteer for church and school, car pool, shipping bibles. I hope all of this is God inspired.

Anyway my hubby lets me do this. I really don’t deserve him or his love. I wonder if in 10-20 years we will run like a well oiled machine, some days we do. Most days we don’t. No, I take that back, we might be working on 50-50.

We also tried to read daily devotions together, I thought well if he wont read the bible, we can together. Boom, 5 minutes into it, he was asleep. I got the bible on CD, best thing I could have done, he listens to them in the car! He has got Romans out in the truck now!!!

The basis of this story is I can run, work, and handle my daily life my way. My spiritual life is my spiritual life, my growth, my time, His grace.

Jims daily life is his own, his spiritual life, his own by His grace.

I so want Jim to be more knowledgeable in the bible, but I can see; though slowly, he applies what he has learned to his life. He is better than I am in that way. So who is better? Neither or both of us? God knows.

I need to tell Jim the good things he does or doesn’t do, I need to encourage him in all he does, and I need to encourage him be a spiritual leader, not yell at him for not being a good one. (We struggled with the spiritual leader for years, still do)

I need to love my hubby for the goof ball he is, because God loves him for the goofball he is. He is a good hubby and good father and good friend.

My hubby only needs a few basic things to be happy. I was given to him by God to provide that for him. It really is the least I could do.

Now, the end of the story happened a few days ago when my hubby was telling me of a friend to talked to him about a hubby who is struggling with his life, faith, study, wife, work and a change in lifestyle (marriage).

I immediately said oh no that should not be happening, he should do so-and-so and she should definitely not do such-and-such. Then I stopped and we just looked at each other. Sheepishly I said ‘I will talk to her if I can’.

I am right there with you girl. I love you; don’t make mistakes like I have. Time and patience. Love and kindness. Overlook, overlook, overlook.

Be of good cheer, be encouraged, be joyful, be content.

I love you, hope you enjoyed my story.

Kristina

I also have a story I wrote Jesse about a lady named grace, if you want to read it sometime.

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Civil Rights, What are They Anyway?

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This  is a long post. this post describes civil rights. All the blue and purple highlighted words are linked to the source for further learning.

LBGT people already have civil rights. The government and the laws for all the people. But you will notice how it began here in the states. People should be glad we all have civil rights and thank the people who paved the way for these rights.

Things that require a license are a privilege not a right. Read on:

civil rights definition

A broad range of privileges and rights guaranteed by the United States Constitution and subsequent amendments and laws that guarantee fundamental freedoms to all individuals. These freedoms include the rights of free expression and action ( civil liberties)

civil liberties definition

In general, the rights to freedom of thought,expression, and action, and the protection of these rights from government interference or restriction. Civil liberties are the hallmark of liberal, democratic “free” societies. In the United States, the Bill of Rights guarantees a variety of civil liberties, most notably freedom of assemblyfreedom of the pressfreedom of religion, and freedom of speech, expressed in the First Amendment. ( See civil rights.) 

; the right to enter into contracts,

con·tract

  noun

1. an agreement between two or more parties for the doing or not doing of something specified.
2. an agreement enforceable by law. 3. the written form of such an agreement.
4. the division of law dealing with contracts.
5. Also called contract bridge . a variety of bridge in which the side that wins the bid can earn toward game only that number of tricks named in the contract, additional points being credited above the line

6. (in auction or contract bridge)

a. a commitment by the declarer and his or her partner to take six tricks plus the number specified by the final bid made.
b. the final bid itself.
c. the number of tricks so specified, plus six.

7. the formal agreement of marriage;betrothal.

own property, and initiate lawsuits; the rights of due process

due process of law definition

The principle that an individual cannot be deprived of life, liberty, or property without appropriate legal procedures and safeguards.The Bill of Rights and the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution guarantee that any person accused of a crime must be informed of the charges, be provided with legal counsel, be given a speedy and public trial,enjoy equal protection of the laws, and not be subjected to cruel and unusual punishment, unreasonable searches and seizures, double jeopardy, or self-incrimination.

and equal protection of the laws;

equal protection of the laws definition

phrase in the Fourteenth Amendment  (An amendment to the United States Constitution, adopted in 1868. It was primarily concerned with details of reintegrating the southern states after the Civil War and defining some of the rights of recently freed slaves. The first section of the amendment, however, was to revolutionize federalism. It stated that no state could “deprive any person of life, liberty,or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” Gradually, the Supreme Court interpreted the amendment to mean that the guarantees of the Bill of Rights apply to the states as well as to the national government.)

to the United States Constitution requiring that states guarantee the same rights, privileges, and protections to all citizens. This doctrine reinforces that of due process of law and prevents states from passing or enforcing laws that arbitrarily discriminate against anyone.

opportunities in education and work; the freedom to live, travel, and use public facilities wherever one chooses; and the right to participate in the democratic political system.

Note : Efforts to redress the situation of inequality, such as the civil rights movement 

The national effort made by black people and their supporters in the 1950s and 1960s to eliminate segregation and gain equal rights. The first large episode in the movement, a boycott of the city buses in Montgomery, Alabama, was touched off by the refusal of one black woman,Rosa Parks, to give up her seat on a bus to a white person. A number of sit-ins and similar demonstrations followed. A high point of the civil rights movement was a rally by hundreds of thousands in Washington, D.C., in 1963, at which a leader of the movement, Martin Luther King,Jr., gave his “ I have a dream” speech. The federal Civil Rights Act of 1964 authorized federal action against segregation in public accommodations, public facilities, and employment. The Voting Rights Act of 1965 was passed after large demonstrations in Selma,Alabama, which drew some violent responses.The Fair Housing Act, prohibiting discrimination by race in housing, was passed in 1968.

After such legislative victories, the civil rights movement shifted emphasis toward education and changing the attitudes of white people.Some civil rights supporters turned toward militant movements ( see Black Power), and several riots erupted in the late 1960s over racial questions ( see Watts riots). The Bakke decision  of 1978 guardedly endorsed affirmative action.

and the women’s movement,

[A movement to secure legal, economic, and social equality for women, also called the feminist movement. It has its roots in the nineteenth-century women’s movement, which sought, among other things, to secure property rights and suffrage for women. The modern feminist movement, often said to have been galvanized by the publication of Betty Friedan‘s book The Feminine Mystique , began in the 1960s and advocates equal pay for equal work,improved day care arrangements, and preservation of abortion rights. ( See Equal Rights Amendmentfeminism, and  GloriaSteinem.)]

have resulted in legislation such as the Civil Rights Act of 1964,

[A federal law that authorized federal action against segregation in public accommodations,public facilities, and employment. The law was passed during a period of great strength for the civil rights movement, and President Lyndon Johnson persuaded many reluctant members of Congress to support the law.]

 in affirmative action,

[the encouragement of increased representation of women and minority-group members,especially in employment.]

and in the creation of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

[An agency established by the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to investigate racial and sexual discrimination. The National Organization for Women (NOW) was organized in the 1960s when the EEOC failed to act upon the Civil Rights Act’s sexual discrimination clause.]

From here: The Civil Rights Division of the Department of Justice, created in 1957 by the enactment of the Civil Rights Act of 1957, works to uphold the civil and constitutional rights of all Americans, particularly some of the most vulnerable members of our society. The Division enforces federal statutes prohibiting discrimination on the basis of race, color, sex, disability, religion, familial status and national origin.

~

Are you LBGT and would you like to file a complaint to the USDOJ? here

Musings on…..Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible

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Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible

Back of the book:

”If the church is going to use the Bible to decide whether divorce is legitimate in certain cases and whether divorced couples have the right to remarry with the approval and blessing of God’s people, then the Bible must be studied without prejudice toward a particular answer. The author examines the relevant passages in both the Old and New Testaments so that his readers can consider the many issues and interpretations that arise in trying to establish a consistently biblical position. As a result, readers can see more clearly and accept more firmly the truth of Scripture. The book succeeds at being exactly what the author wanted it to be: ‘a comprehensive, lucid, accurate study presented in a readable and practical style. . . .’ It is a valuable resource for the pastor, counselor, church leader, and others who are struggling to understand and apply scriptural principles to the problems of divorce and remarriage.”

This book was amazing. Really. It set me straight on a few things and made it clear to me what God desired of marriage, what Jesus said and meant about divorce and when someone can remarry.

My husband was married before [I have not been], so I immediately skipped to the divorce section. I thought God thought one was always married to their first wife in His eyes. Wrong.

Basically this is what I got out of the divorce section: Ya can’t get divorced unless someone is unfaithful and then it’s not mandatory, reconciliation is better.

If there is no infidelity then the one who wants the divorce and will not repent and work on marriage, gets schooled, I mean counseled and if still unrepentant then they are to be considered an unbeliever and excommunicated. Then if the non-believer does not want to stay in the marriage, the christian is free to divorce with no penalty.

Sound complicated? If you are a christian and long to know what God desires of your relationship with your spouse, READ THIS!!

Love and stuff, Kristina

Who Should a Christian Vote For?

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At the Ligonier Conference I attended RC Sproul was asked who he would vote for…

Psalm 14:34

Righteousness exalts a nation,
but sin condemns any people.

He said, and I am just repeating this from memory, that he would vote for the man with policies that line up with biblical policies.

the federal government claimed independence from God a long time ago

he would vote for someone who DOES not support abortion

He would vote for someone who believes in family

-marriage

-pro life

-help for good

-punishment for bad

but it’s always been wealth VS morals

~~

so who should a Christian vote for? Many of my friends and family get highly outraged at the fact I don’t vote. I have yet to see someone with biblical morals vying for a political position, so I don’t vote for them.

I do not complain about who gets elected, it is all pretty much just a piece of sand on the shore in regards to how it is, how long they re elected for, and what they do.

If we believe God is in charge, then He gets elected who He wants elected and either guides him or doesn’t.

Since the federal government longed to be out of grasp of God and declared themselves independent, I’m sure by now God has granted that, and by the looks of our government and the people elected to the offices…..

All this to say….how do you make your decisions at the polls?

I Think I Found a Keeper ;)

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Been a while, eh?

I’ve had the dreaded bronchitis for 2 weeks now. Boy moved out, office is looking like a real office, business is good. Liking my hours and my clients very much. Jonesing to get on the motorcycle, I smell spring in the air, maybe its just the freshly cut grass my hubby just did…

Been wavering in and out of the scriptures, choosing to listen to my bible CD’s in the car. I really need to get back into a bible study. Been skipping church when the guys were out-of-town. I guess we all go thru times of losing faith in fellow-man and man-made rules, but I never lose faith in my creator. I know He is there, watching me, holding the hood of sweatshirt, so I don’t fly away.

I quit doing a few secretarial things at church, my heart just wasn’t in it and I am hoping someone younger, more tech savvy and energized to do it will take over.

I still really wish we didn’t have to go thru trials in life, but it makes us stronger, or weaker, depending on His strength all the more.

I thought that having the kid move out would make things settle down a bit and in a way they have. I’m not so stressed out about him all the time, but God has decided to throw a couple little curve balls at me, possibly to divert my attention elsewhere.

Hubby went to doctor, but thankfully he was ok. I’m glad he finally went and I guess it just takes a little scare to get your act together.

I had to find a new doc and she has been hounding me to get off my estrogen because of breast cancer risks. Quite frankly it scares the crap outta me, I don’t want to have no energy, have sweats and have my bones get weak.

I’m not quite sure how to figure this one, but she was in the process of a breast check at my physical the other day and found a lump.

Part of me wants to believe she is just trying to scare me to get off the HRT and part of me knows it’s a real threat and possibility.

So off I go to have a diagnostic mammogram on my birthday of all days. Yeah for me.

I not worried about it, yet. And I have talked to hubby about what I want to happen at any and all outcomes.

We never really know what we sign up for when we say our “I-do’s” do we?

We never truly understand the sickness and in health…. or in wealth or poorness.

That man has had to put up with so much stuff from me. Don’t know how he does it and still tells me he loves me.

 

 

Musings on…. Domestic Partnerships VS Marriages in Washington State

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~~

Family Law Handbook for Partnerships

Family Law Handbook for Marriages 

Domestic partnerships are overseen by state agency.

Actually headed up by the Corporations Division.

Marriages overseen by county.

Here is a news release about ‘everything but marriage’ law. Issued 12/2/2009.

Then I noticed this at the bottom of the page:

There are 9262 Domestic Partnership registrations as of 9/10/2011 4:33:19 PM.

~~

So I see that both get a certificate, partnership gets a wallet card.

fee for domestic partnership certificate is $50, for marriage license – $64

~~

To enter into a state registered domestic partnership the two persons involved must meet the following requirements:

(1) Both persons share a common residence;

(2) Both persons are at least eighteen years of age;

(3) Neither person is married to someone other than the party to the domestic partnership and neither person is in a state registered domestic partnership with another person;

(4) Both persons are capable of consenting to the domestic partnership;

(5) Both of the following are true:

(a) The persons are not nearer of kin to each other than second cousins, whether of the whole or half blood computing by the rules of the civil law; and

(b) Neither person is a sibling, child, grandchild, aunt, uncle, niece, or nephew to the other person; and

(6) Either (a) both persons are members of the same sex; or (b) at least one of the persons is sixty-two years of age or older
~~

Rules for marriage:

  • To apply for a Marriage License both parties must be present and be 18 years of age or older with photo ID.
  • The Marriage License is valid in Washington state only.
  • The fee is $64.00 cash/money order/cashiers check.
  • Applications can be mailed, notarized and returned for processing. You must submit the original application. (fee must be included as a money order or cashiers check).
  • If either party is 17 years old, they must have parent’s consent.
  • There is a 3-day waiting period before the marriage can take place.
  • Your License is valid for 60 days.
  • A blood test or physical is not required in Washington State.
  • A marriage license and marriage certificate are different documents. The marriage license permits a marriage to take place. The marriage certificate indicates that a legal marriage has been performed.

~~

Strange, they don’t give a list of who can get married, but who can’t:
~~(1) Marriages in the following cases are prohibited:

(a) When either party thereto has a wife or husband living at the time of such marriage;

(b) When the husband and wife are nearer of kin to each other than second cousins, whether of the whole or half blood computing by the rules of the civil law; or

(c) When the parties are persons other than a male and a female.

(2) It is unlawful for any man to marry his father’s sister, mother’s sister, daughter, sister, son’s daughter, daughter’s daughter, brother’s daughter or sister’s daughter; it is unlawful for any woman to marry her father’s brother, mother’s brother, son, brother, son’s son, daughter’s son, brother’s son or sister’s son.

(3) A marriage between two persons that is recognized as valid in another jurisdiction is valid in this state only if the marriage is not prohibited or made unlawful under subsection (1)(a), (1)(c), or (2) of this section.

~~

in domestic partnerships, no solemnizing necessary..

In the solemnization of marriage no particular form is required, except that the parties thereto shall assent or declare in the presence of the minister, priest, or judicial officer solemnizing the same, and in the presence of at least two attending witnesses, that they take each other to be husband and wife.

~~

Domestic partnerships and marriages pretty much have the same laws/regs for the spouses/partners legally.

~~

Washington has no Common law marriage status but will recognize others states common law marriages. here

Washington Parenting Law for unmarried couples who are separating. here

 

and

unmarried.org  [a lot of info. on this site, for those interested.]

and last but not least: Defense of Marriage Act:

from Wiki 

and here

~~ I know this long and chock full of info. but I was interested in finding out what the difference was and if there was any thing needed for a domestic partnership in Washington state.

So what does the LBGT community want that they can’t have?

marriage ceremony? the name marriage? equal or special rights?

I’d love to have someone chime in who knows the answers. please be kind and speak in simple terms for those of us [me] who do not understand legalese.

thanks, The Home Engineer