Category Archives: family

How to Fiercely Love and Protect Someone in Difficult Times

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Remember you cannot control anyone else. Just YOURself.

1. Cry with them

2. Laugh with them

3. Listen to them

4. Keep your mouth shut.

a. Seriously. Unless they specifically ask for opinion, advice, help. Keep it zipped.

b. Be prepared to have kind, good and sane advice for them.

5. Follow this easy guide…

1 Corinthians 13  (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

6. Keep in touch. Send a note, a card, encourage. Keep doing it. Especially with a death, people forget that the survivor still lives and has to go on. Fiercely loving them means being in it for the long haul.

7. Empathy: : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this.

8. Take into consideration [empathy] what they are going through. Emotions run high and they are scared, sad, mad, depressed, sometimes in a chokingly exhausting way.

9. Offer to help [and only help them in #5 ways] Bring a meal, babysit, run errands, go to mtgs with them, sit in mourning with them, forgive the people they forgive, love the people they choose to love.

10. Keep your mouth shut. Keep your hands and feet close. Delete all distractions from your life that interfere with fiercely loving your friend/family member.

11. You can only control YOURself.

12. Last but never ever least. Pray. If you are not a praying person. Do whatever, meditate, light candles, etc. Just do it.

Please feel free to comment below if you have any other advice for fiercely loving others in difficult times.

*Dedicated to those who have suffered loss. I love you.

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Musings on… Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward

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This book has been very eye opening, sad, depressing and painful. Yet a very, very good read.

I can only read a chapter or two at a time. I have discovered I am way more of a toxic parent than I originally thought.

And my own parents, especially my mother is very toxic. Which I knew. Most of the techniques I have already ‘done’ in healing, but it is hard to fully heal with the toxic parent still being toxic.

With that being said,

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

http://www.carovnezrcadlo.cz/TOXIC-PARENTS.pdf

Musings on…… Home Church/Bible Study

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Thinking about having a little bible study here at the house using these books:

http://store.precept.org/By-Series/40-minute-no-homework/

Read somewhere that these should be the points to follow for a ‘home church’

(Acts 2:42;42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

1 Corinthians 16:2;On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of money in keeping with your income, saving it up, so that when I come no collections will have to be made.

1 Timothy 4:13; Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.

2 Timothy 4:2: Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.).

~~

and this paragraph stood out to me:

When we think of three core things any group — small or big are doing — things that are inward (with our relationships), things that are outward (in the area of evangelism) and things that are upward (toward God), the house church situation provides several advantages over the larger church. Notably, one of them is that it’s not a cultural shift for an unbelieving neighbour or friend of yours to accept your invitation to a gathering that meets in your home, unlike the culture shock of stepping into many of our church buildings for a Sunday morning meeting.

~~

Oh, I like this article, wraps it up in a  pretty bow: http://www.allaboutgod.com/house-church.htm, this one too,

http://www.compellingtruth.org/simple-church.html

http://homechurchhelp.com/how-not-to-meet and http://homechurchhelp.com/how-to-meet

http://www.smallgroups.com/articles/2008/how-to-start-house-church.html?paging=off

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Orderly Worship
1 Corin 14:

26 What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up. 27 If any speak in a tongue, let there be only two or at most three, and each in turn, and let someone interpret. 28 But if there is no one to interpret, let each of them keep silent in church and speak to himself and to God. 29 Let two or three prophets speak, and let the others weigh what is said. 30 If a revelation is made to another sitting there, let the first be silent. 31 For you can all prophesy one by one, so that all may learn and all be encouraged, 32 and the spirits of prophets are subject to prophets. 33 For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.

Acts 17:11
11 Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.

romans 16:3

Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, 4 who risked their necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks but all the churches of the Gentiles give thanks as well. 5 Greet also the church in their house. Greet my beloved Epaenetus, who was the first convert 2 to Christ in Asia.

colossians 4
15 Give my greetings to the brothers 2 at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house.

Hebrews 10:24:

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
1 Peter 4:10:

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.

~~
Would be nice to get people gathered together to worship, even newbies. If it grew and became more permanent, we could use one weekend devoted to outreach. Questions about tithing, songs, outreach, growth and inverted focus all show up on the interwebs. Far too early to think about that.

My husband and I praying about it and asking others to pray also.

The Home Engineer sign

IOWA 2015 ~ My Vacation

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my luggage managed to get lost and I only received it two days til my departure

airport parking lot Micaela and Kristina

Arrival at the airport. I love Iowa and I love my hosts/my friends/my siblings in Christ

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Thrift store shopping is something me and Micaela love to do and this was the find of the century!!

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When I finally got my bags I told Micaela I think the guys brought me the wrong size jeans, mine are too small. MAYbe because Doug got up early and cooked me an apple pie and we ate a piece for breakfast every morning

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I stayed on a farm/bednbreakfast/apple orchard with my friends I met blogging 6 [?] years ago. Been visiting every year ever since.

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Doug put me to work raking up leaves in the orchard so the spores on the dead leaves do not infect the trees. Little did he know, I put a mysterious gift in each pile for him to pick up. {Libby poop}

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This is Libby, resident farm dog. Master pooper and walker. Sometime bunneh killer.

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Had to get a picture at Walmart. Doesn’t everyone?

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We figured out how to put stencils on apple crates. There were over 100 needed to be done but I think I only got to 15 of them.

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Miss Kitty, beautiful calico, resident rodent hunter and snuggle buddy

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my little gourd project. We can’t get gourds to dry here in the PNW, too damp. Pretty excited over this little thing.

My week went by way too fast. I must be a farm girl trapped in a city.

What is your favorite vacation spot? and your favorite thing to do there?

Musings on….. On Guard Preventing and Responding to Child Abuse at Church

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from here

This book. Is everything I wanted to say to our church but couldn’t articulate.

A bit of background. Hubby and I went to our church council to talk about putting some safeguards in place and having some more resources available for kids and parents affected by child abuse. This book deals with sexual abuse. Mostly by an adult to a child. In a church setting.

We tried to come up with plan for prevention and a plan for responding. We, as fallen humans, sucked at trying to get the importance of the message across.

This book states in plain terms what we only couldn’t formulate even in our minds.

I bought the council members each a book and I devoured the book in a night.

The book discusses the importance of stewardship of children, the types of predators, the false assumptions we make about predators and asks the question “Why the church”?

The numbers and statistics shown in the book would astound the average person.

Probably the best sentence “..We must remember our high calling as parents, pastors, and children’s ministry workers – the God five charge to love, protect, and shepherd children under our care.’ [pg 11]

Creating a child protection policy is one thing we want to see happen in our church, background checks, also. This book gives an outline on how to begin to write out a policy and guidelines for background checks.

A check in and check out policy for the youth/kids groups/nursery. Being a member first before becoming involved in church ministry. Putting windowed doors or making dutch doors on class rooms. When sunday school is over, lock up all the doors. Train all volunteers.

Preparing before it happens means pastors/leaders being humble in caring and planning. Parents who are vigilant and understand the importance. Teens and kids, and even parents, going thru a class/curriculum on child safety AND sex.

there is a whole chapter on getting to know your community and resources. God-given resources that a church should look toward to help victims and abusers. Churches aren’t usually equipped to give specialized help to individuals.

The next few chapters deal with responding to an abuse that has already happened.

I plan on going through the endnotes and look at some of the reference material he used in the book.

I would love to have my church, your church, any and all churches read this book, prayerfully consider the importance of loving, protecting and teaching our kids.

~~

a couple things I found online:

wrfnet.org

child molestation prevention 

minibook

gospel coalition article [good quick read]

When the child abuser has a bible 

clergy as Mandatory reporters

 

My Arch Nemesis ~ Myself

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I think. Alot. Too much. I also can talk a lot. I need to talk, its my way of processing things, I guess.

I feel better when I have someone to talk to. I also have abused that right/privilege on occasion.

I used to talk to my son. About things that I probably shouldn’t have. Adult things, my things, problems, wishes, positive and negative.

I try to talk to my husband. He doesn’t listen very well. It makes me feel like I am not important to him. I get frustrated, disappointed and mad with him.

I have/had a few friends I could confide in but managed to make a mess out of that.

I started seeing a counselor. again. I have to pay to get to talk to someone. But I am trying to talk myself out of going to her. I wanted someone to just tell the things that were bothering me and have them tell me whether I was right or wrong. I pretty much know if I am in the wrong, I need to change. How to change… not so much.

Figuring out why I am like I am… not too hard.

Lots of family issues.

I try to talk to my mom. She does all the talking. Not a word gets in that doesn’t come from her mouth. Of course when I do get to talk, I get those words used against me. I was always talked down to, told I was stupid, not affirmed. My family is very negative. I inherited that. I hate that about myself.

I can almost self-counsel myself.

Example: why do I get mad at my hubby when he ignores me? How do I handle it? How can I get him to realize its important to me? If he just never gets it, how do I deal with it?

Its one thing to lay all your hope, joy and satisfaction in Christ. But quite another to walk it out in everyday life.

Why do I not like physical displays of affections? Why am I so negative? Why do harp/bitch/nag? Why do I get all angsty over certain stuff? Why do I let others get ‘under my skin’?

I have tried all the suggestions counselors have given me before. but they don’t seem to work. Why does my circumstances or other people affect my attitude so much?

How do i fix it?