Category Archives: family

Love Might Win the Wayward in Your Life [REPOST]

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This hit home for me:

If you are paired with a prodigal, you know pain. Few trials slice as deeply as the spouse who goes rogue, the child who rebels, or the sibling who spins out of control. Rejecting their role and shutting out those that love them, wayward souls thunder with reckless entitlement, myopic selfishness, and chaotic, grief-instigating choices.

It’s a world of indescribable, emotional turmoil. Here’s some reasons why.

You flog yourself with the “why-stick” — why is this happening to them? Why is this happening to us? To me? Why? Whack. Whack. Whack. “Why?” is a cross that lovers of the wayward carry.

Often, they carry an ironic shame, too. With the wayward, a subtle paradox appears: the prodigal acts shamefully and feels justified — you love them sacrificially and feel ashamed. It’s a hellish twist on the idea of justification — their shame imputed to you.

Additionally, prodigals possess a dangerous, life-sucking power. They siphon the fuel out of those who love them in a “weariness-war.” The effects of this power take you beyond mere fatigue to a mind-enfeebling, soul-sapping, confidence-wrecking, depression-inciting, bone-tiring exhaustion.

What the Wayward Want

1. Choices Without Consequences

For someone fleeing from God, freedom is typically the ability to pursue desires without the burden of responsibility for their decision. John, infatuated with another woman, left Sally and their marriage of ten years in pursuit of freedom. When this appeared unstable to a judge, and Sally was awarded custody of the kids, John was outraged. Why?

A prodigal doesn’t typically engage in moral reasoning, so consequences strike them as offensive, unjust, or excessive. They fail to see that true freedom recognizes and honors the God-installed fences that define the borders between good and bad, wisdom and folly, sowing and reaping.

2. Autonomy Without Accountability

Wayward people want autonomy without the rule of love. They want a world where their wants are met without question or accountability. For the prodigal, life is about indulging desire, not accepting responsibility. The results are often disastrous.

Charlene is rarely cooperative, often stoned, and has little tolerance for discussion about how she spends her time or money. Charlene seeks a world where she can freely indulge and never explain. When accountability comes knocking, she withdraws behind an impenetrable emotional wall of unfettered autonomy, away from meddlesome scrutiny.

Few things plant a family in the manure of dysfunction quicker than feeding the delusion that one can live autonomously, yet dependent; unaccountable, yet family-funded.

What the Wayward Need

Ask the average Joe or Jaclyn about “love,” and their answers will skim the shallow pond of sentimental feelings, magnetic attraction, or the thrill of someone who makes them feel alive. Christians reject the merely sentimental and embrace a more robust vision of love. “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us” (1 John 3: 16).

At the eternal core of biblical love, we find a rugged cross. Blood-drenched yet triumphantly empty, this cross testifies to a promise-keeping love that goes beyond trifling sentiment. Think of it as “rugged love” — a love with teeth!

Love is rugged when it is

  • strong enough to face evil;
  • tenacious enough to do good;
  • courageous enough to enforce consequences;
  • sturdy enough to be patient;
  • resilient enough to forgive;
  • trusting enough to pray boldly.

Consider just two examples.

Strong Enough to Face Evil

Pete knows Becky is a serial adulterer, but he says nothing. Claire believes her brother is on drugs, but she won’t probe. Tammy overlooks the cruel comments her husband makes about her in public. Though each situation is distinct, they are all connected by a common compromise: Pete, Claire, and Tammy are all tolerating evil. If you ask them why, they say they do it all for love.

The Bible says, “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil” (Romans 12:9). True and genuine love abhors evil. It means that we have eyes to see evil and the courage to respond to it. Sin and folly inhabit the soul of the wayward like unwelcome squatters. If these vices are ever to be expelled, they can’t be ignored or hidden, but must be honestly named and exposed.

Love goes beyond prodigal management to the deeper power of gospel application.

The gospel of God’s justification of evil people does not deny evil. In fact, the gospel shows us God’s deepest feelings about evil — he abhors it. “The wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men” (Romans 1:18). God’s wrath is his settled and determined response to injustice, sin, rebellion, and evil. The gospel showcases how God met radical depravity with genuine, rugged love.

Let’s face it, loving like this is not simple or easy for us. To get here, you need to experience this love yourself, a love so sturdy that it enables you to face your biggest fears — rejection, anxiety over the unknown, failure. Giving rugged love begins by receiving the rugged love of God and holding fast to the promises of the gospel, knowing that he will never leave us or abandon us (Hebrews 13:5) and that he is truly with us until the end (Matthew 28:20).

Tenacious Enough to Do Good

Naming evil is an important step, but it is only a first step. Love is made rugged by a tenacious commitment to “not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

By doing positive good — responding with godly, rugged love — we overcome the evil that has been done. But if things deteriorate, we need to be ready for the painful reality that love may require letting a prodigal go. In the heart-breaking act of letting go, our intent is not to punish the person or to retaliate for what they have done to us. We must not meet evil with evil. When we do, everyone loses, and no one gets loved.

Rather, we let go as a way to do good.

Doing good requires tenacity, because the moments when it’s most necessary are the same moments when it’s most difficult. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.”

Desperate Times Need Deeper Love

Anyone embracing rugged love faces huge emotional hurdles. It feels like we are piling on, almost as if we saw a drunk stumble in the street and decided to kick him to teach him a lesson. But if we’re serious about helping people enslaved in selfishness, we will find faith to think honestly and deeply about the gracious grit of genuine love.

Don’t be afraid. Speak the truth in love, and trust Jesus. He may surprise you.

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Words and Meanings: ‘Committed’ Suicide

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Couple of things I have been contemplating and can’t post on my FB business page:

One of them is: Proponents of suicide prevention are wanting to change the wording of ‘committing’ suicide to ….died by suicide…..

So I looked up committed or commit

com·mit·ted
kəˈmidəd/
adjective
adjective: committed
feeling dedication and loyalty to a cause, activity, or job; wholeheartedly dedicated.
“a committed reformer”
com·mit
kəˈmit/Submit
verb
past tense: committed; past participle: committed
1.
carry out or perpetrate (a mistake, crime, or immoral act).
“he committed an uncharacteristic error”
synonyms: carry out, do, perpetrate, engage in, enact, execute, effect, accomplish; More
2.
pledge or bind (a person or an organization) to a certain course or policy.
“they were reluctant to commit themselves to an opinion”
synonyms: pledge, devote, apply, give, dedicate
“they committed themselves to the project”
pledge or set aside (resources) for future use.
“manufacturers will have to commit substantial funds to developing new engines”
be in a long-term emotional relationship with (someone).
be dedicated to (something).
“we must be committed to peace”
synonyms: devout, devoted, dedicated, loyal, faithful, staunch, firm, steadfast, unwavering, wholehearted, keen, passionate, ardent, fervent, sworn, pledged; More
antonyms: apathetic
3.
send, entrust, or consign, in particular.
synonyms: entrust, consign, assign, deliver, give, hand over, relinquish; formal commend
“she was committed to their care”
consign (someone) officially to prison, especially on remand.
“he was committed to prison for contempt of court”
synonyms: consign, send, deliver, confine
“the judge committed him to prison”
send (a person or case) for trial.
send (someone) to be confined in a psychiatric hospital.
“he had been committed for treatment”
synonyms: hospitalize, confine, institutionalize, put away; certify
“her husband had her committed”
transfer something to (a state or place).
“he composed a letter but didn’t commit it to paper”
refer (a legislative bill) to a committee.

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http://www.suicide.org/suicide-is-not-a-crime.html

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But, look at the synonyms: carry out, do, perpetrate, engage in, enact, execute, effect, accomplish. Some do pose a picture of crime, but some don’t.  The committed isn’t all negative.

Persons who die by suicide were actually committed, committed to ending their lives, sorrow, pain and frustration. They executed a desperate act upon themselves. They accomplished their means to an end. They carried out an act of self destruction.

I can understand taking it off the legal books as criminal, one can’t prosecute a dead person and if they attempt but do not succeed, they need help, not jail.

But the word committed isn’t just a negative legal word. Both committed and died by suicide are fine. It is an act that has to be committed, accomplished or executed.

…With all this being said, I am by no means arguing about this touchy subject. I was curious as to the meaning of the words we, as a culture, are trying to change to make them more palatable.

I have tried to commit suicide and know others that have too. It is a multi-faceted metal health issue that needs more attention brought to it with readily available resources for those who are suffering from it.

If you found this page and are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please do not worry about the words used to describe it, PLEASE DO find help! now. You are loved and your life is worth living.

Some resources below and they will have more also.

Home

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http://www.crisistextline.org/

https://teenlineonline.org/

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Just Some Stuff to Throw up Here ~ July Edition

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Hey. Been super busy with school. School is for kids, kids with minds that still work, backs that are still strong to sit for long periods, and lives that only include school. lol

Biology really got me thinking about evolution and science and the bible and christian faith. There was a bit of a discussion on Fb that got a bit heated over whether dinosaurs were in the bible and if they aren’t then how do we square up the bible and science?

But when I questioned it, I was immediately told I was having problems with my faith and would be prayed for. thanks?

Since I’m pretty sure God allows us to think and study and have free will, I don’t feel I’m floundering in any way but I feel questioning and even asking God is good for the body and soul.

~

A couple of pages I saved on FB to share:

http://www.challies.com/articles/do-you-believe-god-will-save-your-kids

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1BpB3p/www.social-consciousness.com/2013/11/121-documentaries-to-expand-your-consciousness.html?ref_src=fb

I love documentaries, all kinds.

~

To say that God is testing me is an understatement. This trial brings me to tears. I think what God is trying to tell me through this is that I don’t depend on God, I don’t look to God, I don’t worship God… I do all those things to my son. And I placed a HUGE burden on him. He needed to be my child, that was all, not my idol. So broken over that.

Its been a hard lesson that I am still learning. Praying the lessons God is teaching my son will bring him back. Back to God.

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http://www.king5.com/news/absolutely-wrong-bill-nye-the-science-guy-takes-on-noahs-ark-exhibit/275442854

Saw this on FB today and am so so disappointed in all this. This creation is a travesty. Waste of money, time and resources, just to be an attraction to Ken Ham’s museums? I see this as no different from Joel Osteen’s mega church or the TBN cronies.

Ugh, the comments. Makes Christians look vile, silly and uneducated.

The last sentence…. As for the ark property itself, it’s not done expanding. Ham said plans for a walled city and Tower of Babel — intended to warn against the dangers of “prejudice and racism” — will be part of a future phase. 

BECAUSE THAT WORKED WELL THE FIRST TIME, EH?

~~

Small book review. Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

My friend and I were talking about community and how churches sometimes miss the mark on how community works so He graciously bought me this book to read. It’s a very well written treatise on christian community. My first thoughts were DUH we all should be doing this! He paints a family picture of a whole day spent in community; prayer, worship, work, confession and adoration for God.

We, in America, strive so hard for autonomy, that we lose the wonder of togetherness…in our churches, homes and cities. We forget we are connected to others, even globally.

Groups of people [churches, cities, bevys]  try so hard to be right, or correct or separate that we turn aside and almost hate others not included in that group. So sad. Everyone should read this book, especially leaders of groups.

That is all for now. Back to writing a research paper on GMO’s!

 

Musings on…. My Dream Ministry

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I am going through the Penn Foster Veterinary Technician program online. 50 years old and going back to college. not so easy.

Perfectionism is killing my vibe.

But lately my dreams are leading me in a different direction. The idea of a clearinghouse for stuff comes to mind.

A place to have tables set up for different ministries that want different things.

Crayon Initiative, Operation Christmas Child, eyeglass ministry, bible and book ministry. Foster care ministries.

I picture a huge front room with tables in a circle with the different ministries advertising on the tables, boxes and brochures, lists of items needed.

I picture a website with the ministries and items wanted, hours open and requirements for the ministry.

This wouldn’t be open to the public unless the ministry did a food or clothes pantry and they were there to organize the pick ups.

Ministries would have to pick up donations weekly or when needed and we would have hours that people could drop their items off.

I’m thinking noon to 9, Tuesday through Saturday.

We would need volunteers for manning the bldg. Money for rent, utilities, and postage for the ministries that are not in state/town.

The ministries would be anything…animal related, religious or not, people, here, in country, out of country.

Bonus!

My son has a desire to have a bldg for nonprofits to rent an office space for little rent.

If we could find a bldg that did both, that would be super.

Even a house type setting would be good, or a warehouse. I’m not sure what would work the best.

I don’t really know where to begin… I’m thinking of contacting some ministries that I am interested in and having them send over some artwork or tri fold or info for the website and table.

Then just use my house or garage, altho hubby doesn’t want me to use garage.

Sigh, why can’t I just have unlimited income to get this started?

Let me know your thoughts!!

Here is a link to the ministry page

Hope Mercantile Collective

 

How to Fiercely Love and Protect Someone in Difficult Times

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Remember you cannot control anyone else. Just YOURself.

1. Cry with them

2. Laugh with them

3. Listen to them

4. Keep your mouth shut.

a. Seriously. Unless they specifically ask for opinion, advice, help. Keep it zipped.

b. Be prepared to have kind, good and sane advice for them.

5. Follow this easy guide…

1 Corinthians 13  (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

6. Keep in touch. Send a note, a card, encourage. Keep doing it. Especially with a death, people forget that the survivor still lives and has to go on. Fiercely loving them means being in it for the long haul.

7. Empathy: : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this.

8. Take into consideration [empathy] what they are going through. Emotions run high and they are scared, sad, mad, depressed, sometimes in a chokingly exhausting way.

9. Offer to help [and only help them in #5 ways] Bring a meal, babysit, run errands, go to mtgs with them, sit in mourning with them, forgive the people they forgive, love the people they choose to love.

10. Keep your mouth shut. Keep your hands and feet close. Delete all distractions from your life that interfere with fiercely loving your friend/family member.

11. You can only control YOURself.

12. Last but never ever least. Pray. If you are not a praying person. Do whatever, meditate, light candles, etc. Just do it.

Please feel free to comment below if you have any other advice for fiercely loving others in difficult times.

*Dedicated to those who have suffered loss. I love you.

Musings on… Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward

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This book has been very eye opening, sad, depressing and painful. Yet a very, very good read.

I can only read a chapter or two at a time. I have discovered I am way more of a toxic parent than I originally thought.

And my own parents, especially my mother is very toxic. Which I knew. Most of the techniques I have already ‘done’ in healing, but it is hard to fully heal with the toxic parent still being toxic.

With that being said,

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

http://www.carovnezrcadlo.cz/TOXIC-PARENTS.pdf