Category Archives: death

God’s Funeral ~ A Poem


I saw a slowly-stepping train —
Lined on the brows, scoop-eyed and bent and hoar —
Following in files across a twilit plain
A strange and mystic form the foremost bore.

And by contagious throbs of thought
Or latent knowledge that within me lay
And had already stirred me, I was wrought
To consciousness of sorrow even as they.

The fore-borne shape, to my blurred eyes,
At first seemed man-like, and anon to change
To an amorphous cloud of marvellous size,
At times endowed with wings of glorious range.

And this phantasmal variousness
Ever possessed it as they drew along:
Yet throughout all it symboled none the less
Potency vast and loving-kindness strong.

Almost before I knew I bent
Towards the moving columns without a word;
They, growing in bulk and numbers as they went,
Struck out sick thoughts that could be overheard: —

‘O man-projected Figure, of late
Imaged as we, thy knell who shall survive?
Whence came it we were tempted to create
One whom we can no longer keep alive?

‘Framing him jealous, fierce, at first,
We gave him justice as the ages rolled,
Will to bless those by circumstance accurst,
And longsuffering, and mercies manifold.

‘And, tricked by our own early dream
And need of solace, we grew self-deceived,
Our making soon our maker did we deem,
And what we had imagined we believed,

‘Till, in Time’s stayless stealthy swing,
Uncompromising rude reality
Mangled the Monarch of our fashioning,
Who quavered, sank; and now has ceased to be.

‘So, toward our myth’s oblivion,
Darkling, and languid-lipped, we creep and grope
Sadlier than those who wept in Babylon,
Whose Zion was a still abiding hope.

‘How sweet it was in years far hied
To start the wheels of day with trustful prayer,
To lie down liegely at the eventide
And feel a blest assurance he was there!

‘And who or what shall fill his place?
Whither will wanderers turn distracted eyes
For some fixed star to stimulate their pace
Towards the goal of their enterprise?’…

Some in the background then I saw,
Sweet women, youths, men, all incredulous,
Who chimed as one: ‘This is figure is of straw,
This requiem mockery! Still he lives to us!’

I could not prop their faith: and yet
Many I had known: with all I sympathized;
And though struck speechless, I did not forget
That what was mourned for, I, too, once had prized.

Still, how to bear such loss I deemed
The insistent question for each animate mind,
And gazing, to my growing sight there seemed
A pale yet positive gleam low down behind,

Whereof, to lift the general night,
A certain few who stood aloof had said,
‘See you upon the horizon that small light —
Swelling somewhat?’ Each mourner shook his head.

And they composed a crowd of whom
Some were right good, and many nigh the best….
Thus dazed and puzzled ‘twixt the gleam and gloom
Mechanically I followed with the rest.

If you read to the end…What do you think?

Words and Meanings: ‘Committed’ Suicide


Couple of things I have been contemplating and can’t post on my FB business page:

One of them is: Proponents of suicide prevention are wanting to change the wording of ‘committing’ suicide to ….died by suicide…..

So I looked up committed or commit

adjective: committed
feeling dedication and loyalty to a cause, activity, or job; wholeheartedly dedicated.
“a committed reformer”
past tense: committed; past participle: committed
carry out or perpetrate (a mistake, crime, or immoral act).
“he committed an uncharacteristic error”
synonyms: carry out, do, perpetrate, engage in, enact, execute, effect, accomplish; More
pledge or bind (a person or an organization) to a certain course or policy.
“they were reluctant to commit themselves to an opinion”
synonyms: pledge, devote, apply, give, dedicate
“they committed themselves to the project”
pledge or set aside (resources) for future use.
“manufacturers will have to commit substantial funds to developing new engines”
be in a long-term emotional relationship with (someone).
be dedicated to (something).
“we must be committed to peace”
synonyms: devout, devoted, dedicated, loyal, faithful, staunch, firm, steadfast, unwavering, wholehearted, keen, passionate, ardent, fervent, sworn, pledged; More
antonyms: apathetic
send, entrust, or consign, in particular.
synonyms: entrust, consign, assign, deliver, give, hand over, relinquish; formal commend
“she was committed to their care”
consign (someone) officially to prison, especially on remand.
“he was committed to prison for contempt of court”
synonyms: consign, send, deliver, confine
“the judge committed him to prison”
send (a person or case) for trial.
send (someone) to be confined in a psychiatric hospital.
“he had been committed for treatment”
synonyms: hospitalize, confine, institutionalize, put away; certify
“her husband had her committed”
transfer something to (a state or place).
“he composed a letter but didn’t commit it to paper”
refer (a legislative bill) to a committee.



But, look at the synonyms: carry out, do, perpetrate, engage in, enact, execute, effect, accomplish. Some do pose a picture of crime, but some don’t.  The committed isn’t all negative.

Persons who die by suicide were actually committed, committed to ending their lives, sorrow, pain and frustration. They executed a desperate act upon themselves. They accomplished their means to an end. They carried out an act of self destruction.

I can understand taking it off the legal books as criminal, one can’t prosecute a dead person and if they attempt but do not succeed, they need help, not jail.

But the word committed isn’t just a negative legal word. Both committed and died by suicide are fine. It is an act that has to be committed, accomplished or executed.

…With all this being said, I am by no means arguing about this touchy subject. I was curious as to the meaning of the words we, as a culture, are trying to change to make them more palatable.

I have tried to commit suicide and know others that have too. It is a multi-faceted metal health issue that needs more attention brought to it with readily available resources for those who are suffering from it.

If you found this page and are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please do not worry about the words used to describe it, PLEASE DO find help! now. You are loved and your life is worth living.

Some resources below and they will have more also.



How to Fiercely Love and Protect Someone in Difficult Times


Remember you cannot control anyone else. Just YOURself.

1. Cry with them

2. Laugh with them

3. Listen to them

4. Keep your mouth shut.

a. Seriously. Unless they specifically ask for opinion, advice, help. Keep it zipped.

b. Be prepared to have kind, good and sane advice for them.

5. Follow this easy guide…

1 Corinthians 13  (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


6. Keep in touch. Send a note, a card, encourage. Keep doing it. Especially with a death, people forget that the survivor still lives and has to go on. Fiercely loving them means being in it for the long haul.

7. Empathy: : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this.

8. Take into consideration [empathy] what they are going through. Emotions run high and they are scared, sad, mad, depressed, sometimes in a chokingly exhausting way.

9. Offer to help [and only help them in #5 ways] Bring a meal, babysit, run errands, go to mtgs with them, sit in mourning with them, forgive the people they forgive, love the people they choose to love.

10. Keep your mouth shut. Keep your hands and feet close. Delete all distractions from your life that interfere with fiercely loving your friend/family member.

11. You can only control YOURself.

12. Last but never ever least. Pray. If you are not a praying person. Do whatever, meditate, light candles, etc. Just do it.

Please feel free to comment below if you have any other advice for fiercely loving others in difficult times.

*Dedicated to those who have suffered loss. I love you.

Musings on…. Safe in the Arms of God.. Part 1


John  MacArthur was at the Ligonier Conference I attended a few weekends ago.

A question was asked by an attendee if her miscarried baby was in heaven. MacArthur said yes, Sproul and Lawson hemmed and hawed over it.

So I bought the book by MacArthur Safe in the Arms of God, truth about heaven about the death of a child.

I wrote a post about it a couple of weeks ago here.

I didn’t even make it through half the book and I was yelling “NO” pretty much every page. Hubby told me to put it down since I was getting upset.

Let me say this up front. I am pretty literal when it comes to the bible and like to make sure scripture is not taken out of context.

Another thing, I used to think my 4 aborted babies would be with me in heaven, when I became a Christian and learned the reformed doctrines I came to believe that if my babies were part of God’s elect, they would be with me in heaven. And I really have come to terms with that. If I believe God is Sovereign and God elects His own, then it is logical to believe every single person God knew before they were formed and called them to Himself or not.

Covenant succession is a doctrine that believer’s kids that have died in the womb or early on in life automatically get a ‘Get to Heaven Free Card.”

Back to the book, JM picks and chooses scripture to back up his thoughts about babies in heaven. And by thoughts, I mean, he pretty much puts words into the Almighty’s mouth on this topic.  He skipped over any mention of the doctrine of election even in the chapter that deals with it.

He mis-quotes or takes out of context at least 2 scriptures, but I am going back through the book to get into some depth…

Using Psalm 139, John gives us 6 points to consider

1. God knows everything about you before your conception

2.God is actively involved in your life.

3. God will never cease to have knowledge of you.

4. God is never limited in His understanding.

5. God is your personal Creator.

6. God personally planned your destiny.

Sound good so far? Right… he is telling us what we know for certain about those with empty arms…

Next chapter he goes on to tell how God regards children, using  such verses at Ezek 16:4-7 [speaking of Israel and Gods people]

He says that scripture reaffirms again and again, God considers all babies to be His and God loves all who are His innocent ones.

Ezek 16:20-22 talks about Israel sacrificing their children bore to God, Gods children.

from this scripture he pulls out that God lays full claim to these innocent sons and daughters.

He states that Jonah 4:11, John thinks the ones who could not tell their left from their right are the children and mentally disabled  incapable of making such sinful judgments. i disagree.

John states God alone determines the age of accountability….then states with no scripture backing that every child that dies before reaching the a condition of moral culpability goes directly to heaven.

So Jesus was what, 12, when he was found in His fathers house, so John thinks that is a good general age to look at accountability.

Again, mans doctrine and mans thought on the subject, not scripture.

Bottom line: we are looking at this from a human mind stating all these facts on how a child can or cannot figure out moral culpability, can not understand law and grace. But if we look at it from Gods point of view, and we believe in election, then GOD knows if we are elect at the time BEFORE conception and GOD knows whether or not we are going to heaven or hell, NO MATTER what we do on this earth in our life.

I could go on and for those of you still hanging in there…. Here goes:

Jeremiah 19:-47 talks about the innocents that are sacrificed by heathens, instant ticket to heaven, BUT no scripture backing.

ok, I’m only on page 41 and haven’t even gotten to the chapter on election. And Im getting mad all over again.

Yes, I have prayed and asked God to show me the truth of what He says and believes about this subject, but I believe this may be one of those things we get to wait and see in Heaven when WE are Glorified.

Part 2 coming

National Sanctity of Human Life Day 2008


As usual, I’m a day behind all the news, because I don’t watch the boob tube or get to the paper until the next day.

But from this site;

National Sanctity of Human Life Day, 2008
A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

On National Sanctity of Human Life Day, we recognize that each life has inherent dignity and matchless value, and we reaffirm our steadfast determination to defend the weakest and most vulnerable members of our society.

America was founded on the belief that all men are created equal and have an inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and our country remains committed to upholding that founding principle. Since taking office, I have signed legislation to help protect life at all stages, and my Administration will continue to encourage adoption, fund abstinence education and crisis pregnancy programs, and support faith-based groups. Today, as our society searches for new ways to ease human suffering, we must pursue the possibilities of science in a manner that respects the sacred gift of life and upholds our moral values.

Our Nation has made progress in its efforts to protect human life, and we will strive to change hearts and minds with compassion and decency. On National Sanctity of Human Life Day and throughout the year, we help strengthen the culture of life in America and work for the day when every child is welcomed in life and protected in law.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Sunday, January 20, 2008, as National Sanctity of Human Life Day. I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies and to underscore our commitment to respecting and protecting the life and dignity of every human being.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this eighteenth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-second.


(before you all get crazy on the old Bushster, every president does that)

The World according to Bruce had a good post, 3 parts

Capital Hill Daily Brief, another good article

Care net, Crisis pregnancy centers, also have bible studies for post abortion trauma

Healing Hearts. org, help for women (and men) suffering from post abortion trauma

just thought I’d share.


Dear Father, encourager,Encourage our hearts and knit them together in love with the heart of Jesus and the hearts of every other child of yours!

Give us all the riches of knowing and understanding of what you had formerly kept secret, the Good News about Jesus Christ, for in him you have hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Give us firm assurance in him.

Whatever new dimension or unfolding of your grace that shall come, it will be, I am convinced, a disclosure of the good things originally hidden in Christ. Help us to know it when we see it.

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

My Visit to an Estate Sale


Sunday, my hubby and I walked down the street to an estate sale of a lady who died about a month ago.

Her name was Dolores and she was a Christian. She was housebound from many ailments, had a home church, had a yappy fluffy puppy. She had neighbors who came and helped her with laundry, moving garbage cans, made visits, cut her grass. Her husband died many years ago. I’m told she told everyone who would listen she was ready to go home and be with her Tom.

They had no children and a friend who no longer lived in the neighborhood was her executor of her estate.

I met her once, while I was on a walk with another neighbor, she was sweet, she knew right away I was a child of God.

A professional company put on the estate sale and I had never been to one.

I never want to go to one again. I never want my kid to sell my stuff in an estate sale.

It was almost surreal walking thru her house, looking thru her things. The house was left pretty much the way she left it when she went to the hospital to die. Her body was riddled with cancer and they could not save her after they performed surgery.

The estate sale company went thru the neighborhood passing out flyers to whomever they saw on the street, I just happened to be on the street that day.

As I walked thru the house I learned so many things about her.

He was in the military.

They both won awards when he was in the military (pictures and awards framed on the wall)

They loved Chinese artwork, china, silver. (they had tons of Japanese and Chinese artwork, clothes, china, dishware, books in every room)

She loved books, she loved to learn. Bookcases full of books in every room. She had diplomas from colleges, at-home learning centers, bible course studies, art college, all on the wall. She had a word processor, tons of christian tapes, DVDs, learning CDs, music books, cookbooks, books on how to learn. (She must have been still trying to learn new things even when her body could not work for her very well)

Let me go from room to room.

Living room:  a nativity scene made from wood, books, furniture, from the Orient (they must have traveled there, or may even been stationed there) paintings on the wall, oriental and what I would call ‘american’.

Dining room: contained all the silver and a woman had a glass case with all Dolores’ jewelry in it. Most of it old. A few pieces I would have liked. All way over- priced. China cabinet with knick knacks.

Kitchen: the cupboards were taped open revealing all her cookware and silverware, china set, beautiful. Even the food cupboard was open and food for sale for 50 cents an item. Things were sitting there just like they had been when she was alive. I got a bit teary-eyed in the kitchen. Some things were even just strewn around, but everything had a price. A full bookcase in the corner of the kitchen with cookbooks.

They was 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. The bedroom she used was the first I went in to. I’m drawn to bookcases, I look for bibles (I also collect very old bibles for myself). I found her old bible. With all her notes it in.  I grabbed it. (To me, that bible is something so personal and it was just sitting on the shelf for anyone to grab, I can only hope she is glad I took it)

There are poems and funeral notices in there. Her husbands funeral notice was there. There was two cards in there that had a bunch of men’s signatures on them. It was a prayer card, it stated that at the men’s church breakfast, they had prayed for her surgery to go well. The other one was for her husband.

The clothes were hanging in the closet, all with  price tags, the drawers were open for people to go thru. Even her underwear drawer. Some very beautiful and old things, a fur coat, some Japanese silk jackets, old suits, tiny little ballet type shoes.

One bedroom was her music room with one wall full of records, tapes, books, albums, sheet music, computer, paintings.

I learned more about this woman with each room I explored.

One bedroom was her art/craft room. There was cross stitch, embroidery, yarn, items she had worked on were thrown on the bed with extra sets of sheets, an embroidered piece with a man and woman in wedding attire with their names and date of their wedding was laying on the bed.

I’m tearing up just typing this. I will tell you why in a moment.

The bathrooms looked like she just walked out of it after taking a shower in the morning. In one of the bathrooms, a thing woman use for hygiene purposes was just laying on the floor in the box, for all to see. Soap was in the holder, toothbrush, etc.

I had noticed a lot of paintings on the walls, in every room. When I walked back out into the hallway, I realized these were HER paintings (there was a diploma from an art school on the wall) and I just had to have one. If nothing else but to keep her memory.

I had a landscape painting in my hand, then, in a back bedroom, I found the perfect one.


Let me skip ahead; my hubby was getting tired and wanted to go home, but I was fascinated by this house, by this lady’s life. This woman was probably a wonderful, exciting,  interesting woman.

And I just walked by her house, most every day.

And did nothing. I knew she needed help, I knew she was lonely and alone.

I had thought about it many times, but was good does that do now?

All the while I’m thinking and looking around there are people from the estate sales company milling around, making sure you’re not jacking anything of value. Some asshole (yes, I said asshole, twice now) said to another in a very loud voice “So, we gotta carry all this SHIT out of the house?”

My heart fell. I wanted to punch him. This was not someones shit, this was someones life here. Being dug thru by strangers. Her stuff being milled thru and sold for a price. To pay for this asshole to carry off.

The garage had all of the husbands stuff in it. All of it dusty. Some art/crafts stuff, bottle cutters, Christmas wreaths, clothes pins, tools, lawn furniture. There was bottles of water in a box. A big pot with birdseed and a scoop in it.

I said to hubby “Look, she fed the birds” He just doesn’t get it. {I’m not quite sure what happened to her dog, I’m told it went back to the person who gave it to Dolores. I saw only 2 things that even hinted that she had a dog. A small purse-like dog carrier in the bedroom and a dog dish in the garage. She loved that dog dearly.}

He was not fascinated by this woman or her house, he had found what he wanted and wondered how we were gonna carry all  the books home.


We found this stool in the kitchen, it is to be hubbies work stool in the garage.

I bought Shakespeare complete works, several bibles, a German bible and 2 very old bibles, some with both their names on them. she had marked every single bible, under lined and highlighted, lots of stuff, many notes and poems and prayers in all the bibles, all handwritten. And I bought the painting.

I imagine it is her or her husbands plot and that he or she wanted to be buried near the mountains.

Now, to get why I think this:

I was getting ready to leave and heard this little old woman talking and telling another woman and her daughter about Dolores. She knew her! She was pointing out the clothes, the books, the coats and where everything came from. I grabbed the painting and followed her to a back room. I waited patiently for her to finish and asked her did she knew if Dolores had painted that picture.

She said “Yes, she did, that was her last complete painting, she started another one but never finished it”

Here’s another thing, we paid for the stuff in the front room, the before mentioned asshole was sitting in the front on the other side by the front door. When we walked to the door, he asked to see our receipt. I’m like ‘what?’ Cuz he had just watched us pay and bag the stuff up.

Another fella says ‘We have had a pricey item already walk out with someone, he really is checking your receipt.’


Disclaimer: While I realize all this is just ‘stuff’ and I know she is in heaven with her Lord and her husband and that’s all that matters to her now.

I also know I walked thru the life of a woman today, a woman who lived a full life, who loved her Lord, who could have taught me much.

I should have made an attempt to know this woman.

She would have been a wonderful friend.

She would have made me a better person.

Here is the poem I found in her bible. It’s handwritten and some words are marked out with changes on them.

To a Small Boy

When oer these troubled waters pass

a spanking infant breeze to cast

away the angry torment of the sea

And there’s a hope of cloudless blue

of cheery dawns sunset hues

and the ship of life is sailing hard a lee

Then to you from this helmsmans hands

with course well laid to promised lands

will pass this ship well found, well manned, and free

Look sharp upon the charts of strife

heed wise the shallow shoals of life

Maintain the course, my faith abides in thee.

Thanks for listening, Kristina