Author Archives: Kristina

About Kristina

52 year old Christian lady, knitter, crafter, church admin, thrill seeker (only when shopping at thrift stores for tremendous bargains) my 3 dogs and my pigs servant, a child of God, saved, redeemed and trying to be joyful in a fallen world.

Musings on… My Value

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val·ue
/ˈvalyo͞o/
noun
1.
the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
“your support is of great value”
synonyms: worth, usefulness, advantage, benefit, gain, profit, good, help, merit, helpfulness, avail;
2.
a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.
“they internalize their parents’ rules and values”
synonyms: principles, ethics, moral code, morals, standards, code of behavior
“society’s values are passed on to us as children”
verb
1.
estimate the monetary worth of (something).
“his estate was valued at $45,000”
synonyms: evaluate, assess, estimate, appraise, price, put/set a price on
“his estate was valued at $345,000”
2.
consider (someone or something) to be important or beneficial; have a high opinion of.
“she had come to value her privacy and independence”
synonyms: think highly of, have a high opinion of, hold in high regard, rate highly, esteem, set (great) store by, put stock in, appreciate, respect;

~~

Yesterday a bunch of older men and my hubby were talking about life insurance and he mentioned that I was upset that I don’t have any life insurance. They all, in unison, said and snickered, ‘what does she need life insurance for?’

[Patriarchy at its finest] *sarcasm font

Lately I have been thinking about my value, more, I have been feeling defeated because I don’t think I HAVE any value.

But how do I even define value? An insurance policy? A pat on the back from my family? God’s approval?

And do people who have servants hearts all feel this way?

by nature a servant is ‘below’ the people they are serving. I’m not against that. I love helping people. I’m at my best when I do that. If I am not serving, I’m not living. Not being able to say no…that is another story for another time.

by nature a servant thinks of others needs. Most of the time before their own. Servants have empathy. Why do servants do what they do?

According to the definitions above

Do they want to feel worth or usefulness

Are they abiding by rules, moral codes

Do they, or can they, put a price on their servant hood [life]

Do they want others to view them with esteem, importance, respect?

~~

In my case
growing up my parents weren’t the best at affection and encouraging words. my father wasn’t present in our sports, concerts, school life. He worked. Hard. He kept food in the house he maintained. His job was done, apparently. I think my dad attended one thing, my graduation.

My mother likes to blame my dad for talking down to us, in reality [or my reality] she was the one who called us stupid and any dreams and ideas were stupid.

In essence, if my dreams are stupid, the dreams are a part of me, so I’m stupid. This also would follow the same lines…[If being gay is wrong/sinful and I am gay, then I am sinful and wrong.] *sorry, rabbit trail

Fast forward to marriage, birth of son [in the interim years, I never kept a boyfriend long, never was going to let anyone hurt me, another story for another time]

Shitty start to a relationship..and after son was born, MAJOR depression. Mix in some alcoholism and poof…. feelings of inadequacy and not being able to work, and ending up in a week-long hospital stay… ugh. hate just thinking about it.

Played stay-at-home mom with relish. As I remember hubby and I agreed to it. made better sense. Too much work always stressed me. We didn’t have a financial burden to worry about. Since we are dealing with value and this pertains to it, and even tho hubby hates it. Hubby deems money highly. He has made a good life for all his family and has worked hard to be a good provider.

Its more about things that he thinks and then proceed out of his mouth.

I’ll try not to get into too many details, but over the years, its obvious that I am not of the same ‘value’ because I don’t make money in this household.

I think it is worse in the christian culture. the bible is wrought with women being less-than and groups that hold to literal interpretations of the bible are super guilty of this.

Maybe I feel hurt because it’s the people who I think should value me the most, don’t. I know that most people just value me for what I do for them and I can handle that. They aren’t in my life all the time.

Never when I feel hurt by being under valued, do I want to stop being a servant.

What about legacy? Does that have to do with value? Will I live on in, well, I know I will only live on in people’s minds as long as they live.

Sidenote, the movie Coco stuck me hard, at first I thought it silly, but its true, only if the loved ones still remember you, you live on. hmmm.

Legacy…. I want to pass on more than just yarn to my son. Does an insurance help that? Would he value me more if he knew he was in cash money when I die? Does it really matter?

Does any of this really matter? and how do I stop these feelings? I know, I know, christian readers, my worth should in Christ. I shouldn’t care how I am treated because Christ loves me and values me.

I should look toward Him for my worth. My value.

but as we say, we are fallen sinful creatures and living the everyday life wears ya down. Christ isn’t sitting in my living room with pom poms cheering me on everyday.

How do you think about value?

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God’s Funeral ~ A Poem

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I
I saw a slowly-stepping train —
Lined on the brows, scoop-eyed and bent and hoar —
Following in files across a twilit plain
A strange and mystic form the foremost bore.

II
And by contagious throbs of thought
Or latent knowledge that within me lay
And had already stirred me, I was wrought
To consciousness of sorrow even as they.

III
The fore-borne shape, to my blurred eyes,
At first seemed man-like, and anon to change
To an amorphous cloud of marvellous size,
At times endowed with wings of glorious range.

IV
And this phantasmal variousness
Ever possessed it as they drew along:
Yet throughout all it symboled none the less
Potency vast and loving-kindness strong.

V
Almost before I knew I bent
Towards the moving columns without a word;
They, growing in bulk and numbers as they went,
Struck out sick thoughts that could be overheard: —

VI
‘O man-projected Figure, of late
Imaged as we, thy knell who shall survive?
Whence came it we were tempted to create
One whom we can no longer keep alive?

VII
‘Framing him jealous, fierce, at first,
We gave him justice as the ages rolled,
Will to bless those by circumstance accurst,
And longsuffering, and mercies manifold.

VIII
‘And, tricked by our own early dream
And need of solace, we grew self-deceived,
Our making soon our maker did we deem,
And what we had imagined we believed,

IX
‘Till, in Time’s stayless stealthy swing,
Uncompromising rude reality
Mangled the Monarch of our fashioning,
Who quavered, sank; and now has ceased to be.

X
‘So, toward our myth’s oblivion,
Darkling, and languid-lipped, we creep and grope
Sadlier than those who wept in Babylon,
Whose Zion was a still abiding hope.

XI
‘How sweet it was in years far hied
To start the wheels of day with trustful prayer,
To lie down liegely at the eventide
And feel a blest assurance he was there!

XII
‘And who or what shall fill his place?
Whither will wanderers turn distracted eyes
For some fixed star to stimulate their pace
Towards the goal of their enterprise?’…

XIII
Some in the background then I saw,
Sweet women, youths, men, all incredulous,
Who chimed as one: ‘This is figure is of straw,
This requiem mockery! Still he lives to us!’

XIV
I could not prop their faith: and yet
Many I had known: with all I sympathized;
And though struck speechless, I did not forget
That what was mourned for, I, too, once had prized.

XV
Still, how to bear such loss I deemed
The insistent question for each animate mind,
And gazing, to my growing sight there seemed
A pale yet positive gleam low down behind,

XVI
Whereof, to lift the general night,
A certain few who stood aloof had said,
‘See you upon the horizon that small light —
Swelling somewhat?’ Each mourner shook his head.

XVII
And they composed a crowd of whom
Some were right good, and many nigh the best….
Thus dazed and puzzled ‘twixt the gleam and gloom
Mechanically I followed with the rest.

If you read to the end…What do you think?

No Bake Chocolaty Goodness ~ Vegan

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I think I have hit the jackpot!
I like no-bake cookies but I wanted something vegan and the vegan butters when heated just put me off.
This is my recipe for vegan No-Bake Cookies that are the BOMB~!
1 cup peanut butter [I like crunchy and you’re wrong if you eat creamy]
1/2 cup chocolate chips [vegan ones are usually semi sweet or dark, I use Simple Truth Semi-sweet from Fred Meyer]
Toss in bowl and nuke on low heat for increments of 20 seconds.
stir until desired mixture. Some might like a marbled taste.
Pour in 1/2 cup maple syrup
and
2 cups quick oats.
Stir together, scoop or hand roll into rounds and refrigerate.
*Warning, peanut butter is high in fat, but also high in protein and deliciousness.
Use for an afternoon pick-me-up or sweet tooth craving before bed. You’ll thank me later

My Blog is my Medical History Report & Scam Update

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I had a visit to a foot doctor yesterday, apparently I was born deformed with too-short calf muscles and bowed back knees which cause my feet to turn inward and walk funny.

But I was trying to remember when my son broke my foot and the only place I could find a date was here. Sept 2007.

He gave me cortisone shots in both feet and it hurt so bad, i thought I was going to pass out.

They talked of calf lengthening surgery, but NOPE. They better just be able to find an insert that fits.

~~

UPDATE on the scam… Son didn’t get any of money back from the bank because, on the phone to a bank rep, he told them he was the one physically withdrawing the money from his account.

Needless to say my hubby, the skinflint, was pissed. He talked to bank people on the phone, sent emails to all the higher-ups he could get email addresses for and all of them said they would investigate but all came to the conclusion that while they were super duper sorry, they weren’t legally obligated to protect the money [it was sons bank credit card].

Well, hubby did what he thought was right and yanked all his money from the bank. The bank he had been with for over 30 years.

funny thing, soon after the moneys transfer, son gets an email telling him how sorry the bank was for what happened to him and altho they can’t reimburse all the money, here is a token of our gratitude for banking us. $1000!

They gave him 1/4 of the moneys toward his CC. WOW!

Hubby also gave son some moneys to cover the loss.

~~

Now son has finished his move to Cali and my mothers heart is cracked a bit. I’m sad to see him go but happy he is growing and learning and thriving. There was time in our lives, I didn’t think that would be the case. Resiliency is a good trait.

~~

I’m back to knitting and crafting, will try to remember to share some pictures on here. Happy Weekend!

~~

 

 

 

A Mother’s Worst Nightmare

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Let me preface this post with this comment :

‘Yesterday marked the realization of a mother’s worst nightmare [almost]. Regardless of what people tell you, parents of gay children aren’t mad they are gay, they are worried that they will be bullied, picked on, kidnapped, beaten or killed.’

~

I was driving home from the store early evening and I received a call from my sons’ phone. A couple of [sounded like] black men told me they had my son and wanted money to release him or they would kill him. They told me they met him on a chat line and when they realized he was gay, they kidnapped him, taped his mouth and wanted recompense for the insult on their straight sexuality.

They told me to drive to the nearest store and get some ‘moneypak’ debit cards, $500 on 5 cards to be exact. I told them I wanted to hear my son, they made a big deal of getting the tape off his mouth and I did hear my son say ‘mom, mom, hello, hello?’

They said they were on the north end of town and would release him after I did what they told me to do. I was to go into the store, get the card and read them the numbers off the back.

I need to enforce to you the detail of which these guys went into their story-telling. They were talking to each other about getting my son in the back seat of the car and deciding on the best way to rendezvous with me after I did what I was told. I even heard a high-pitched scream in the background. I was distraught, to say the least. I made it to the store. They would not let me hang up and keep telling me all the ways they would hurt my son if I hung up or tried any funny business.

I wrote a note on a piece of paper and handed to the first person at the customer service desk at a big chain market. MY SON MAY HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED CALL 911, TELL THEM TO SEND A CONCEALED CAR HERE.

The kidnappers made it sound like they would know if the cops came. The phone kept disconnecting and they would call back and yell at me for trying funny business. One of the clerks knew about scams that ask for this certain type of card and wouldn’t let me pay for any of them, one was on the phone to 911, one was talking loud to me, keeping me up to date on why it was taking so long to process. [so the ‘kidnappers’ could hear]. I wrote another note to call my sons work to see if he was there. He was not.

When the police came I was sitting in an eating area and was trying to phone all my sons friends. No one would answer the phone, and the ‘kidnappers’ kept calling, getting angrier with each call. The police officer wouldn’t let me buy cards either. During this time the kidnappers asked me if this made any sense “Please take care of Orange Julius for me”. They said my son said that. I freaked! [that is his cats name, and of course I thought my son was saying that like after he got killed I was to care for his cat!] Then I heard his voice again, but it repeated the same words ‘mom, mom, hello, hi?’

I finally had to stop answering their calls because I was trying to contact my sons’ friends and getting addresses for the police to drive to, to see if son was there. I couldn’t figure out where they were getting their information and didn’t know if they had my sons phone. I was telling the officers that I really didn’t care if it was a scam at this point, they were getting my money, they had too many facts about my son.

When I answered one of their calls, I asked them to ask my son what movie we were going to watch that night and seconds later, after making a great imitation of asking him, they said the right movie!!! FREAKED OUT!

I managed to get a hold of 3 friends. Sent them out in all directions looking for son. Police sent units to his boyfriend’s house, son’s place of work and was going to our home, but I got a friend who lived close by to check the house. No one at any location.

Everyone was texting and calling my son, but he wouldn’t answer. You’ll know why in a minute.

I am shaking as I write this, but I need to get it out of head, onto ‘paper’. UPDATE: 2 days later and I still can’t shake this. I’m paralyzed by the ‘what-ifs’ and how to stop these assphats.

The police were asking me all kinds of questions; does your son do drugs, has he been trouble lately? Where would he go? [he was going to work and his boyfriend’s house, then was to come home]

The boy just graduated college, and since he moved back in a month ago, all he has done is school, work, home. He is as boring as it comes, but then again, mothers don’t always know all of what their kids do. I got a call from a friend saying son left work at 4:30 pm and told a co-worker, “I have jury duty, I need to take care something, I will come back and clean my desk’’. That was last anyone had heard from him.

The last call I picked up from the ‘kidnappers’ they asked if I had the cards and they were going to send me a video. I told them I did not have the cards and they said, “ok then, goodbye”.

After what seemed like eternity, my son calls crying, “I think I did something bad, I think I got stabbed’’ [he didn’t say stabbed, but that’s what I heard] I asked him if he was alone, and he said yes. I told him to go his work and stay there. That I would be there as soon as I could. I told all his friends the same thing, get to the workplace, son is on his way, keep him there, the police and I will be there soon.

So, come to find out my son was being scammed at the same time I was!!!!!

He received a phone call from an unknown number and googled it. It was the county sheriff’s office number. He called them back and was told in a very professional manner he had a warrant out for his arrest since he missed jury duty [son has never had jury duty nor knows what all that entails] and he needed to pay the fine, so he would not get arrested. They kept him on the phone and told him to keep telling them his mileage, they knew when he pulled over, when he got out of the car. He went to 3 different stores and all of them let him get these certain cards to put money on. The ‘sheriff’s office’ even told him to call his bank and tell them it was really him making these withdrawals. Their elaborate story included southern accents, first a man, then transferred to a woman with soothing words but stating if my son hung up or didn’t do as they said, a cop would come immediately and arrest him. They asked for an emergency contact and he gave my name and number. They asked if there was something I would know as a secret security measure and he told them ‘Orange Julius’.

They had him running around for about 3 hours. At one point they had him park in front of the county courthouse to finalize the warrant freeze, but because they told him a police officer would arrest him if he was found, he didn’t go inside.  They were so professional and knew exactly how the law worked in warrants and son didn’t know enough about it to refute them. At one point they asked him if there was another secret security measure they could use for me, asking about something we both know, like a favorite movie. He said Blade Trinity.

THEY WERE ACTUALLY ON THE PHONE WITH US BOTH AND PLAYING US BOTH!

My son said he heard me say, ‘’son, son, where are you, are you ok?’’. Not actaully sure how they made that happen, but it was very convincing.  He was told after he got the cards he was to scratch off the numbers on the back and read them off to them and that would zero out his account with the sheriff dept and drop the charges. After he did that, they hung up.

That is when he called me. We all met at his workplace and hugged and cried and talked to the police. I guess this series of scams comes in a few forms. IRS back taxes, kidnapping and warrants. We got hit with two. They got money from son. None from me, only thanks to the calm, informed people at the grocery store and the police.

It was awful. And terrifying. And very violating.

I’m still contemplating going to the news, I really want people, especially people in retail, to know about these scams and not even carry these types of cards in their stores. The way the cards are set up [not having to be physically present to access money] are the perfect storm for cyber fraud.

Update, we decided we need to get this out so other’s won’t be put in this situation.  Please share this. Please ask your stores to not sell these types of cards. Please inform any retail worker friends you know not to sell anyone these types of cards, especially if they are on the phone.

http://komonews.com/news/consumer/scammers-target-upscale-neighborhoods-posing-as-federal-marshals

 

 

 

 

Be a Kinder, Gentler You

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I have no passion for religion or politics.

I do have a passion for helping others, saving animals and cuddling. Anything furry.

Therefore where my passions lie, my thoughts and actions come from that mindset.

I don’t know much about politics, therefore I don’t care to talk much about it.

For religion, I can talk, discuss and debate with the crowd but would need help finding the verses to collaborate the discussion.

I don’t watch the news and only see what’s happening on FB news feed.

I can tell you everything about being vegan, where to adopt an animal, how to do basic care for pets and will jump out of my car to catch a stray.

I give away lots of things, much to the chagrin of my hubby. I know where to find resources for people in need and would give the coat off my back to someone if asked.

All this to say, as the years go by I realize people don’t have the same heart for things as I do. They grow up differently. They maybe had no pets, were in the military, politics, were hunters or activists. Some had terrible childhoods that shape who they are. Some had a wonderful life and that shapes who they are.

Some hearts get hard and cynical as they grow older, some soften. Some wild hearts grow calm when families and kids are made.

Some hearts find God and things change. No longer the cares of their world matter. Matters of eternity are forefront. Things like

Love the Lord your god with all your heart, mind and soul:

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

26“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

27He answered, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’c ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” 

FROM:

LEVITICUS 18“ ‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

28“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

30In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two denariie and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

36“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

37The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

So, how do we ‘culture-ize’ this to today?

How do we deal with people with hearts not like ours? Do we only deal with the bleeding and broken ones? Do we only help the ‘elect’?

[Answer: since WE don’t know who the elect is, only God does, we should help them all]

How do we deal with people who put animal rights over human rights?

or people who have a passion for equal rights?

or people who put on form of political involvement over another?

or people who love one sports team over another?

or people who are passionate about a certain job or career? or people who adore their children and grandchildren?

All these people have a right and partly an obligation to have these passions.

But we seem to think that if someone else has a different passion, we can scorn them. Mock them.

Sometimes these passions get out of hand and become idolatry. If this is the case, we lovingly and kindly set them on the path of knowledge and truth.

I don’t know, maybe, just maybe, we should ponder where that other passionate person came from? What sparked the ideals they cherish? Maybe be kind and gentle even though their passion might be the opposite of yours.

Maybe.

Merry Christmas!!