Musings on…. being a Deacon’s Wife

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12/19/2014

I pulled some verses about being a deacon, and added to that, a deacon’s wife. I bolded the parts I thought pertained to the wife.

Of course everything that pertains to a deacon should pertain to his wife, they are both servants of the Most High God.

I thought about going over this ‘list’ and typing what what I thought I was doing well at, being a deacon’s wife.

BUT there wasn’t much I could type.

Sidenote: I write this post to remind myself or convict myself of what I need to do better or pray for…. since my husband is on ‘deacon sabbatical’ because he couldn’t control his wife.

[good article from Grace to You]

1 Timothy 3:8-13 ESV

Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for dishonest gain. They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. And let them also be tested first; then let them serve as deacons if they prove themselves blameless. Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things. Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well.

Acts 6:1-6 ESV

Now in these days when the disciples were increasing in number, a complaint by the Hellenists arose against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution. And the twelve summoned the full number of the disciples and said, “It is not right that we should give up preaching the word of God to serve tables. Therefore, brothers, pick out from among you seven men of good repute, full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we will appoint to this duty. But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word.” And what they said pleased the whole gathering, and they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit, and Philip, and Prochorus, and Nicanor, and Timon, and Parmenas, and Nicolaus, a proselyte of Antioch.

1 Timothy 3:1-13 ESV

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?

John 12:26 ESV

If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.

Titus 1:6-9 ESV

If anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

Acts 20:28 ESV

Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.

1 Timothy 3:2 ESV

Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,

Romans 12:1 ESV / 3 helpful votes

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

1 Timothy 2:8-15
8 I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; 9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. 11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

~~

1/1/2015

I have had this post in my ‘drafts’ folder for a while now.  Everytime I try to write about it, I get mad. And sad.

I have never been the normal deacons wife. I am not like any of the other deacons wives.  I am an oxymoron of sorts. To look at me would be to see a crazy casual non traditional [read tattooed, pierced, hair colored or dreaded, bit overweight, pants wearing, farm animal owning ] woman. I don’t go for fashion, I go for comfort and modesty. I am heavily tatted but not heavily ornamented, i.e. manicures, trimmed hair or brows, lots of jewelry, etc.

My theology is really conservative, Calvinistic, reformed and bible based. But you wouldn’t know it by my looks or my family. I believe in the words of the bible being God’s words, but I tend to not push them on others. I have no qualms about speaking what I believe, writing out things I struggle with and giving freely. I believe in the church being in community with the community, with families learning how to preach/teach/show the gospel, to be open to sharing their lives with non-believers. To have one on one discipleship and group evangelicalism.

I fight for the underdog, I love animals more than people, I take anti depressants, I see a counselor, my marriage isn’t perfect by far. I tend to rest on the negative side of life and forget my joy. I drink too much, cuss too much and I eat too much. I feel too much. I tend to think all people think like me [boy, do I ever get shocked when I find out they don’t]. I tend to live in extremes. I tend to think highly of people and then get disappointed by them when they turn out to be…just sinful people. Just. like. me.

Earlier this year I was [and still am] struggling with some issues with my church from the past. Some of my closest friends are involved and I have gone about things in the wrong way. I’m not sure I can or want to apologize for anything I said and I am not sure anything I said was wrong, I just said them out of turn and not in a nice way. I was told I was disparaging the church and leadership of the church in a not-so-nice meeting to discuss what could be done at the church so things that happened in the past would not be repeated.

I went visiting other churches and my husband who was a deacon, and a damn good one at that,  got put on sabbatical because he could not control his wife. I’m not quite sure if he was put on because I was visiting other churches or because I stood up and addressed the council [even opposed them in a way] maybe both.  I have been repeatedly chastised for being honest about myself and people around me, including my church, in my blog writing.

When my hubby was asked to be a deacon he made it quite clear that he could not control me and was fine with it. He understood where I was coming from and felt that the good things I did way overpowered the bad. The council understood that and I guess was ok with it as long as it wasn’t directed negatively toward the church.

I cannot change the things that were done wrong in the past, I can only strive to stir the hearts of the leadership to make changes for the better in the church.

I cannot change how things were done in the past where my long-time friends are concerned and I can only hope and pray no more damage will be done and that I can get over things [that really didn’t even have to do with me personally] I should actually mind my own business and not worry about what happens to others, right? I should really just come to terms with the fact that people who I thought were my elders in spiritual and earthly things can and, in fact, do make wrong decisions [even if they are only wrong in my head]

My husband is patiently waiting out some leadership decisions and I am standing with one foot out of the door. Maybe I just need to come to terms with all this in my head and my heart before long. Yeah probably.

Would I be a different deacons wife if my husband got reinstated? Nope. Is that a good thing?

 

 

 

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4 responses »

  1. My theology is pretty much the opposite, progressive even. In my Bible, there is Junia and Phoebe who serve as examples about women leading in their own right, being a female apostle and deaconess (female deacon that isn’t married to a male deacon.) I think much of the problem Christianity faces is trying to force all the square pegs that God made into Christianity’s round hole. Unfortunately, complementarianism is raging in churches and it requires things like “biblical manhood” “biblical womanhood” “gender role” “submission” – these things are subjective, and that’s where the problem lies. If a “woman” wears pink dresses and pearl necklaces, then all females that do not are really not women. If a “man” has a beard, then all males that do not are really not men. That’s a destructive line of reasoning which really has no biblical support. You sound more like egalitarians that respect each other for who you are, which sounds to me to be far more God-honoring.
    http://www.cbeinternational.org/
    This site has much more information on the two subjects. Hopefully you will find both truth and peace.

  2. Thoughts:

    Normal is boring.

    “Controlling” other people – even one’s spouse – is emotionally unhealthy and an organization expecting a man to “control” his wife is, in my mind, suspect.

    Honest, open communication should be a hallmark of a functional church, community and home.

    • yes, Kevin, Im not quite sure what they mean by controlling his wife, but Jim and i are on the same page when it comes to what that means. I guess thats all that counts 😉
      the church has a bit to re-organize on when it come to communication, me thinks.

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