Monthly Archives: June 2014

My Experience the Other Night


I was laying in bed doing a self breast exam while running thru my mental list of things i need to do the next day, appts., and such.

I have had this lump for -ever and every year it gets an ultrasound and a clean bill of health from the doc.

Those of you that know me, know my mom and aunt both have had double mastectomies and i an kinda fanatic about checking and doing any preventative things to prevent cancer of my own.

I have been sick, head cold, and I found a lump in my other breast….

In that moment my body got tingles and a sick throw up feeling coming up from my toes to my head. My first thought was, I’m going to die.

[I am an extreme thinking kind of girl, it’s all or nothing, one end of spectrum or the other, until my calmer side prevails]

I have never had that feeling before that I can recall, and instead of trying to fight the feeling, or praying, or trying to change my thoughts: I rode with it. I laid in it.

It was weird, thinking about my life being gone. My mind instinctively goes into ‘cleaning mode’ getting things in order, wrapping up my life for my loved ones, but I tried to resist that.

Just lay there in the moment. The feeling didn’t get worse or better. Weird. Sorry, kind of anti-climatic… but so different i just needed to journal it.

Anyone else have anything like this?

PS I do know who holds my life in His hands and only He knows the days of my life. I hope when the day comes when I realize I’m in my last days I can remain calm and peaceful in His love.




Isaiah 5



18Woe to those who draw iniquity with cords of falsehood,
    who draw sin as with cart ropes,
19 who say: “Let him be quick,
    let him speed his work
    that we may see it;
let the counsel of the Holy One of Israel draw near,
    and let it come, that we may know it!”
20 Woe to those who call evil good
    and good evil,
who put darkness for light
    and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet
    and sweet for bitter!
21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes,
    and shrewd in their own sight!
22 Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine,
    and valiant men in mixing strong drink,
23 who acquit the guilty for a bribe,
    and deprive the innocent of his right!

Hymn ~ Satisified



All my life long I had panted
For a draught from some cool spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.
Hallelujah! I have found Him
Whom my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies my longings;
Through His life I now am saved.
Feeding on the filth around me,
Till my strength was almost gone,
Longed my soul for something better,
Only still to hunger on.
Poor I was, and sought for riches,
Something that would satisfy,
But the dust I gathered round me
Only mocked my soul’s sad cry.
Well of water, ever springing,
Bread of life, so rich and free,
Untold wealth that never faileth,
My Redeemer is to me.