Disclaimer: I am a high school educated christian woman, wife and mother, these words are my opinion.
Take it or leave it.
My words will speak mostly about child sexual abuse and will speak of my own experiences and view as a mother.
I will mostly use the word ‘he’ to describe the perpetrator of sexual abuse. By no means are men the only perps or victims.
I’m not quite sure if I’m going thru a bit of PTSD from an 5 year-long event my family has endured but right now I’m struggling. I should probably seek counseling but for now my blog will have to suffice.
I have an issue with what I deem inappropriate touching. It makes me feel like a whore and disrespected. Been like that for a while and always wondered if I had the faulty thinking or the person doing it had the faulty thinking.
[some background, my mother and most of her siblings were sexually abused by their drunken father who was molested by his father. She desperately and gallantly protected me and my brother from this cycle of abuse. ]
Sexual abuse was never on my radar until about 5 years ago. [another long story for another time]
But a few months ago I asked God to show me if there was any sexual abuse in my past I had blocked out. I have been hearing about people blocking incidents of abuse out and also blocking out huge parts of their childhood. I often wondered how that could happen, but I digress.
Without any conscience thought, a male relative was brought to my mind. I remember him being inappropriate with me in words but not in deeds. I have wondered greatly about this, dreamt about it and finally admitted to my husband what had been going thru my mind.
All this to say, in my life experience as of now, my 2 rule advice for parents who hear about sexual abuse in children [and this could be related to adults also] if anyone has adult experience to share, please comment…
#1 ~ Never ever ever ever DISbelieve a child when they tell you of abuse.
#2 ~ ALWAYS find a way to seek out the perpetrator…for discipline, correction, counseling, awareness.
I guess I need to explain those 2 rules a bit.
#1 always believe your kid, a relative, a friends kid or anyone who tells you they have been abused.
no matter how old they are, no matter how long ago it happened, never discount or take lightly what they tell you. They have gone through something traumatic and it’s been even more difficult trying to be brave enough to tell someone.
Be an advocate, be a support, be a protector. Get that child away from the perp, fast and forever. Do not put your own selfish wants and needs in front of that child. That child is broken and needs someone to help them. I beg you.
#2 Do NOT keep the crime hidden. [No matter when it happened or how long ago] Seek out the perp or the police and confront this person. Do what is needed to never let this EVER HAPPEN again. Do NOT think it will go away. Do NOT think its best swept under the rug and we can handle it ‘in house’. Do NOT think ‘we can’t tarnish our name or the name of the perps family but letting this get out’. Stop the cycle of abuse. Get him/her out of the situation they are in that helps them continue the abuse. Get them counseling, let them know you are there for them, but that you know what they did and you will not let happen again. You cannot convict their heart but again, you as an adult need to give them guidance, help, nurturing.
And above all, pray. Pray that whatever it takes, Gods will be done, the victims and perps get help, love and hope for a better future.
Just think, if you don’t stop the abuse, other innocents will be next, other people’s children, the perps own children and grandchildren, friends. Then those innocents won’t be innocent and they can become perpetrators.
The ripple effect is huge.