So, I read this blog post and commented on it, the comment is below.
I never in a million years would have thought I would be going through a grieving process over this, but as soon as it hit, I knew what it was. Knew the pain my brain and my heart would go thru.
Its crazy, because the kid think its focused on him, but it’s not. Its our hopes, dreams, wishes, wants, feeling of what WE want or have for our child that is the focus.
When a parents focus is dysfunctional then it gets weird. Or shall I say priorities get messed up.
We worry about safety [we can thank the news for that] we worry about health [AIDS, HIV, STD]
and their future happiness [because certainly they can not be happy being like that! ] [sarcasm]
Our first thought is never “What is my child going through?” But soon our thoughts do come around to that and the heartfelt conversations begin.
It’s a long long heart-wrenching experience to finally talk to your child about what he went/is going through when he realizes he/she isn’t ‘normal’.
To know all the things you don’t ever want your child to go through, they have already, either by bullies, the church, their own brain. It’s agonizing.
Most parents probably don’t get to that stage. Maybe I shouldn’t say that, but I’ve read and heard the stories of shitty parents not getting past their own dysfunction to take care of their hurting kids.
Long story short. I read it, I commented on it, I live it.
Jason, this is a great article and like you said, its not a ‘one size fits all’ but it’s very good. I did a lot of my grieving with/focused at God, the bargaining, the acceptance. In my anger I never blamed my son or God, mostly myself.
I have probably read every single book/blog/article, christian and not, about SSA. It’s been exhausting. But I love my son and I love my God and those need to be reconciled in my mind and heart.
My child, as probably most, really just want their parents to be at the acceptance stage as soon as they tell them. They don’t understand the parents must go through the same process as they have throughout their lifetime.
My advice to a child getting ready to tell their parents: be patient and be prepared to walk through the grieving process with your parents.
As a parent first I want my child to be saved, then I want the child to be safe, to be happy and thrive, and I want him in my life.
All these things get put in the forefront of a parent’s mind when their child comes out to them.
I’m kind of rambling, but hopefully you get what I am saying. thanks. Kristina