Daily Archives: January 14, 2014

The Idol Behind the Desire



As i was reading this post, this:

Contrary to heterosexual desires (a desire for what we are not, and cannot become), same-sex desires are cravings for what we want to see in ourselves, but lack. Often a powerful emotional over-dependency, and a profound need to be around someone to gain their approval and affirmation, arise in the heart as a result.

jumped out at me.


I was having a conversation with my son about his same age, same sex cousin. He doesn’t like him, doesn’t like his bravado and maleness. I told my son to be nice to him, that he was just angry because he, my son, wanted to be like him but never was. [paraphrased]

My son surprised me with his answer. No, he said, he wanted to be like his new boyfriend, meaning smart, funny, good singer, great acting abilities, great home life, played a bit of sports and a bit naive/sheltered.

{Which is exactly how he grew up/was when he was younger}

This is in general, mind you, but we pick our significant other for the traits we don’t have or the traits we love about them or whathaveyou.

SSA , in general, especially men, pick others for what they want to be, mostly because they struggled with their own identity. The reasoning behind the struggles are immense and I won’t go into them because we could argue about it all week, but it’s there.

or this, a child grows up without a male sense of himself, for whatever reason, then when puberty hits the idol of his heart,the person he wants to be like, becomes his love interest.

It kinda all came together in my mind of what might be playing out in his head.

He wants to be ‘this type of person’ so he seeks to love this kind of person, yet in the end will resent this person for the qualities he so much seeks in himself that he will/might never attain.

He really has all the great qualities this other has, but somehow, somewhere there got messed up in his head and he doesn’t -can’t feel it about himself.

This might not make sense to you but … It’s been on my mind.

The guy who wrote this is here: