Lord, Thank you for getting me thru another year.
This year has been easier, but still I cry out to you for comfort, joy and peace. Maybe I will only have peace when I’m with You.
Altho I sin, quite regularly, I mourn for the sins of others. The sins of my loved ones, also the loved ones who do not claim you as their Lord and Saviour.
My sadness to see their walking the wide destructive path in darkness.
My hope is dim that they will come back to You. I need Your hope and joy in my heart, I need You to shock me, again, into the vibrant joyous thirsty love I used to have being your child.
It’s not that I don’t believe in You anymore, Its quite the opposite. I believe You, believe you are sovereign, big, almighty and in control. I just know that You will do what you need to do with my loved ones, and it scares me, it makes me cry, because i know they will have to go thru a lot of pain before they see Your light.
And in turn, I will go thru lots of pain to see them continue in their ways. Pain is sanctification, I know, Dear God.
But like anyone else, sanctification hurts and I don’t really want to go thru it. I know where it will lead me. To You. so, in that sense I know I need it.
The trials and suffering my loved ones will see and feel makes me cry. The ugliness of the sin that is coming makes me ache for them.
The aching never seems to go away.
Maybe the ache is covering the hope.
Lord, help me to hope again.
I dwell upon the unseen future of my loved one’s life. I dwell upon the hurt and misery i assume will come. I dwell upon the amount of time it will take for You to do Your work in their lives.
I have no patience, Lord, give me patience and reassure me of Your love, reassure me of Your goodness and graciousness in my life.
I have forgotten what You have done for me. I have forgotten how you lifted me from the mire of my own sinfulness.
I have forgotten that You are the creator of me, the refiner of me, the perfector of me.
You own me.. and for that I should anyways be joyful.
I ask You in Your Sons name for a grace filled hopeful New Year!