Daily Archives: October 15, 2008

People Pleaser or God Pleaser?


Working from a comment a friend of mine e-mailed me a few weeks back, I ‘googled’ spousal approval.

There was only a few things to be found, like when dealing with immigration and living wills and some real estate deals.

Then I ‘googled’ people pleasers. *Jackpot*

I took this from here:

Characteristics of People Pleasers:
1. People Pleasers rarely consider their own needs, wants, and desires.

2. People Pleasers take any criticism as fact, and immediately suffer a deflation in their own self-esteem.

3. People Pleasersfeel an extraordinary fear of abandonment.

4. People Pleasers blame themselves for everything that ever goes wrong.

5. People Pleasers are more concerned with others’ feelings than their own.

6. People Pleasers have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, expecting of themselves magical abilities to fix the significant others’ in their lives.

7. People Pleasers learned early in their lives to bury their own feelings, needs, and wants, and keep them buried until they get help for their problems.

8. People Pleasers chronically confuse pity with love and self-sacrifice with caring for others.

and from here:

Read over these statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:

  • I try to be who someone wants me to be.

  • I am afraid to rock the boat.

  • It is hard for me to know what I want.
  • I avoid speaking my mind.
  • I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion.
  • I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work.
  • It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I’m close to.
  • It is difficult for me to say No.
  • I avoid getting angry.
  • It is hard for me to take initiative.
  • I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel.
  • I want everyone to get along.

Also stuff from hereand here (how to stop being a people pleaser) and here.

As  I read over these things,  I don’t see ‘me’ in very many of them, (those of you who know me, tell me if I deluding myself)

I don’t like criticism or abandonment,  have somewhat of a overdeveloped sense of responsibility (but isn’t that a parent thing?) and from the 2nd list I only see its sometimes difficult for me to say no, especially if i want to please the person or really care about them.

(So if i say no to you, I don’t like you very much. JUST TEASING!)  

The other person who brought this up, while I don’t know them that well, I can see only a few of these things pertaining to them.

I see these lists in the negative and I’m wondering how Christianity relates to it.

Php 2:4 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
do not {merely} look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.  
1Th 2:6 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority.
Lu 6:31 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.
Lu 18:9 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt:
Mt 5:47 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
“If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing {than others?} Do not even the Gentiles do the same?  
Mt 6:14 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  
Mt 6:15 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
“But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.
1Co 13:4 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
Love is patient, love is kind {and} is not jealous; love does not brag {and} is not arrogant,
Eph 4:32 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
2Ti 2:24 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged,  
Tit 2:5 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
{to be} sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Lu 6:35 – [In Context|Read Chapter|Original Greek]
“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil {men.}

Ok, i could go on and on, but i think we get the drift, we are to be kind, love others as ourself and even put others first. *shocker*

It’s all about perspective and balance. People Pleaser is a secular word from a secular perspective, Christians on the other hand should be/are to be God pleasers.

God gives us His Word to know how to be a God pleaser, and from the grateful depths of our heart to a God who saved us out Sheol, we, in turn, are kind and self-sacrifing, avoid getting angry, are more concerned about others feelings and needs, have a sense of responsibility.

This person who thinks they are a people pleaser in a bad way, really just needs to keep their positive spiritual gift that God bestowed upon them in the right perspective, the God-focused perspective.

And really, don’t we all need to do that?

Pray for a God-focused life for yourself, your loved ones and even your enemies.

Ciao, Kristina