Chuck Norris is not only a Noun, but a Verb.



The boy and I are having a Chuck Norris movie marathon these past couple weeks, we really only have time for 1 or 2 movies a week, so its going slow. He has 2 posters on his wall with some of these sayings.

From this site:

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

 I used to have such a crush on Chuck in the 80’s.

Enjoy! Kristina



11 responses »

  1. My sister had such a crush on Chuck in the 90s. 😛
    ~~rumor has it he wears a hairpiece, i’d still love him bald

  2. *lol* When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

    ~~did you check out the website?, some funny stuff on there.

  3. Chuck went on Conan’s show several times and it was hilarious. You can check it out on youtube.
    ~~I couldnt find chuck and conan tog. but watched about an hours worth of other stuff including Chucks death at the hands of Bruce Lee. Jesse asked me who would win in real life. I said, Don’t say that, you will get a roundhouse kick in the face by a pissed off mad Chuck 🙂

  4. Chuck Norris didn’t become a Christian, Jesus became a Chuckian.

    Wait, you probably don’ t think that one’s funny.
    ~~Jesse and I laughed at that one 🙂 But Chuck is gonna roundhouse kick you in the face for it. Rumor has it Chuck didnt care for some of the naughtier jokes on the chucksite. Don’t piss Chuck off.

  5. oh man! Kevin better watch out. Chuck knows all. And if He is that, then those are pretty strong. lol

  6. Of course this one is my favorite…
    They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

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