If, If, If


If, If, If…

 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other…
Ephesians 4:32 The best way to ruin a confession is to use words that shift the blame to others or that appear to minimize or excuse your guilt.  The most common way to do this is to say, “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you.” 

The word if ruins this confession, because it implies that you do not know whether or not you did wrong. 

The message you are communicating is this: “Obviously you’re upset about something. 

I don’t know that I have done anything wrong, but just to get you off my back I’ll give you a token apology.”

Taken from  The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 127

Food for Thought

How often does if show up in your confessions?

A great way to ruin your engine on your car?  Never, ever change the oil. 

A sure-fire way to ruin your credit rating?  Never, ever pay your bills on time. 

What about ruining your reputation at work?  Never, ever keep your appointments.  And the best way to ruin a confession?  Each and every time, use the word “if.”  

 Too many times, it leads to an empty confession.  All the words may be right and proper (I’m sorry), but the heart is missing.  And anything without a heart is usually dead, good for nothing.  The word “confess” means “to agree with” — you’re agreeing that you’ve done something wrong.  If you’re not ready to agree, then don’t confess.  Because that ruins everything.

I often use the if clause, much to my own detriment. This post pretty much says it all. Can anyone relate?

Blessings, Kristina





8 responses »

  1. I like the car more than the pie, but it’s still a very nice pie. I once dreamed of creating a watermelon pie for the contest – but it never worked out…

  2. Jason!! I’ve been thinking we need to have a church bake-off–maybe at the September family night shindig? Maybe not just the guys, the first time ’round, though it could be. It’d be perfect to do at next year’s Memorial Day picnic for sure, though, don’t you think? I really hate it when people bring store bought desserts to potlucks.

  3. I miss the ERC pie baking contest! That was always fun. I made some decent pies, but nothing as elaborate as Jessie’s. That is pretty impressive. He won the whole shooting match with it? Sounds yummy too.

  4. Our renegade Sunday School teacher gave out birthday candy bars in S.S. this week–gasp! What is this church coming to?!! (Hallelujah!) Next goes the doctrine, tsk, tsk.

    Leslie commented once on the mysterious ways of God in it all, that many churches have been blessed–through all the pain–by the “diaspora.” Indeed…

  5. Pingback: What’s Up This Weekend? « Musings of a Home Engineer

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