Daily Archives: April 12, 2007

Musings on…….Tears

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Before;

I was strong, my heart was stone, I would never let anyone hurt me.
I had let that happen once long ago and vowed to never to let it happen again.

I never let my guard down, the only time I cried was when I was drunk.
I never let anyone in. Didn’t have too many friends, they were all a hurt waiting to happen.

Selfish, selfish, selfish I was, still am.

Then I became my journey with The Lord.

Now;

My heart slowly started turning flesh again.
I let people in, I started crying at movies, scripture, things people said, stupid things, I let people get close to me, I made lots of friends, and I even got my feelings hurt by people. I tear up and make it through (with Gods help)

I would have never let that happen before.
I hate tears. It’s always been a sign of weakness to me.

Before;

It was a drunk blubbering crying over the waste of my life, death of my fathers, being a wife and mother was way too hard, self-pity really.

Now;

The tears come by way of spiritual things, I cry at baptisms/weddings/funerals, ‘Christian’ movies (Ben-Hur, End of the Spear, Nativity Story, the Passion), TV shows, Animal Planet, especially Emergency Vets and Animal Cops,  convicting sermons, etc.

The boys always looks at me intently when we are at church or watching a movie, my son especially watches me, he says ”Mom, are you crying?,

Mom, You’re crying.

Dad, mom is crying AGAIN!” And then he will run get me a tissue.

My boy has a tender heart for such things.

I pray he never allows a hurt to harden his heart against the love and mercy of God.

No more drunk tears, a crying drunk is pretty pathetic and I really don’t know how my hubby handled it.

But he did, he is superman, really.

Now;

spirit-led tears… maybe. A renewed heart, life, grace…mercy.

What made me think of writing this cleansing post was this:

I read a post last week and started crying at the sheer awesomeness of it, the overwhelming possibility that it could be true. The joy I felt that God is an All powerful mighty God who can do great things.

Here is the comment I started to write this person:

“I read your post 3 times, I told my hubby, who was home from work today, I think this really happened.
All your comments appeared genuine.
It wasn’t like I just haphazardly commented as soon as I read it.
I came back to it a few times.
My head was telling me it was a joke, my heart was saying,
God is a God of wonders, if anyone could do this, God could.
I’m mad at myself because I believed that post.
I’m mad that I made a fool out of myself in the comments, I let my guard down.
I should have just lied and said ‘yeah, I was just joking, good one’.
I’m also mad because I feel that those kinds of things, lets just say ‘things of God’ shouldn’t be joked about. But who am I, not your Holy Spirit, thats fer sure. )

But then again, who am I to get all worked up over an April Fools Joke?
Who am I to get all mad and to even tell you I was mad.
Because, hello, its not about me!!
…I went on to ask how many others thought the post was true, and to assure this person that I was not his judge nor did I think he was not a child of God. That none of us really know that about another person until we all stand before Him to plead our case, because even tho we may be His, we still have to stand before Him to justify our words and deeds here on earth. I finished with this:

I’m called to love you where you are at (in a Christian way, of course)
I’m way too serious, I guess. I need to lighten up.
So, lets just say, I’m mad at myself for falling for your great joke.
Blessings, Kristina”

I never sent that comment.

So, that’s where I’m at right now. I will NEVER go back to BEFORE.

Before the life God gave me, before He gave me back my tears.

Tears are for the cleansing of the soul, a soul reborn of God.

A soul ready to live life joyful of the new life in Christ.

Revelation 7:17 – for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes.”

Rev. 21:4 – and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be {any} death; there will no longer be {any} mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

Psalms 42:1-5 – 1 As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God? 3 My tears have been my food day and night, While {they} say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

What makes you cry? Comments?

Kristina