The Honor System



Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 122

What causes fights and quarrels among you? You want something, but don’t get it. James 4:1-2

Few things cause as much conflict as trying to control other people. Some attempts to control others are blatantly self-serving, such as maximizing our own profit or influence at another person’s expense

(Gen. 29:15-30). But the more common type of control involves trying to persuade, manipulate, or force people to do things that simply make our lives more comfortable and convenient.

Food for Thought

Our attempts at controlling others are totally dishonorable.

There are a few people who are blatantly self-serving; the rest of us are skilled at subtly trying to get our way and make life easier for ourselves. It may very well be one of the hardest things in the world to do — let people be. If we let others be, then that leaves us with only one option of somebody to work on — ourselves.

This is not some ego-heavy, self-focus. No, this is continually searching our own hearts, minds, souls, and strength to see where elements of selfish persuasion, me-centered manipulation, and it’s-all-about-me attitudes are being used in our relationships with other people. It’s actually a very honoring way to live. We honor God by admitting that He is in control, not us. We honor other people and the way God is working in their lives. And we honor ourselves, realizing what an honor it is to daily walk with a Savior who loves us and is conforming us into His image.

PeaceMeal is a publication of Peacemaker® Ministries. Copyright 2006. Reprinted with permission. To sign up for this free weekly email publication, go to the Peacemaker Ministries website at

Some thoughts:

1. We, as mothers, do this often, we run a fine line, of helping our children, guiding our children, and letting their actions reap their own consequences.

2. If we let others be, then we have to focus inward on ourselves, and quite a few people really, really don’t want to look inside the ugliness of their own souls.

I am one of those ugly souls.

3. I want to be everyone’s Holy Spirit. I know what is best for them, know where they should be in bible study and/or just life.

My hubby can attest to this fact!

4. We should, [here I go being your Holy spirit], make a list, see where we are doing these things, trying to control others, and then STOP.

Then take those same things and turn them inward and work on ourselves.

5. I need to realize what an honor and joy it is to daily walk with my God, my Savior.

Peace out, Kristina

Jesus prays for his disciples in John Chapter 17

13″I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.

That’s what I want, the full measure of Christ’s joy within me!!

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