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I’m Depressed


Life comes in spurts (that sounds bad, but true)
Yesterday, Blazer stalls at son’s school, we are late for dentist appt.
I found out I have a cracked tooth that needs to be fixed, and we all know how fun that can be.
Son gets an F on his bible test and doesn’t tell me until this morning when his father is gone.
Son tells dentist I think he is cute. [which he is, but damn!]
Spoke with vet, the puker is ‘probably’ riddled with cancer and will need to be ‘put down’.
We were looking thru old photos last night.

Now all those things aren’t what is making me depressed.
I already am depressed, been feeling it creeping up for about a week.
My cyclic depression goes in 3 month increments. -novdec/march/june/sept/
I am tons better than I used to be.

What with fueling the depression with alcohol.
My episodes were crazy.
Now I pray, think about what’s setting them off, or making them worse.

Focus on that and ‘fixing’ whatever it is.

 Like at Christmas time, I HATE the holiday season.
This past Christmas/thanksgiving I was determined to be better, I prayed and prayed and decided I always put so much pressure on myself to ‘do’ everything. I cut my ‘doing’ by over half and lo and behold, I made it thru and even felt joy during the  holiday visits.

And amazingly enough, no one’s holiday was ruined by my not going the extra mile.
June and Sept are trying times because of the school schedule.

I can’t convince my son he needs to go to summer camp, he loves to stay home and play in our pool.
{As i sit here, i just realized that its my selfishness that gets to me in June} all school year I’m doing my own thing and in the summer, my schedule gets all discombobulated by the boy being home.
Sept. is usually the time I start feeling like I need to do something, volunteer or get a job.
From sept. to dec. it gets busy.
But March is a weird one, its my birthday and my sons birthday, but nothing really stands out  to be a factor in the cycle. Maybe just because it is a cycle.

Ok, Im done venting, Im happy because Im seeing Amazing Grace today.

 I have salvation, rest, peace and joy from the Lord. My family, my health.

Please see this page for history of me and depression

Blessings on your day!

If You would like help to live life eternal, please click here

Please see follow up to this post

http://krislinatin.wordpress.com/2007/03/02/antonym-of-despair-is-hope/

1 Timothy 6:6-12 –
6 But godliness {actually} is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment.  7 For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. 8 If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. 9 But  those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10 For the  love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered  away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 11 But flee  from these things, you man  of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love,  perseverance  {and} gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of faith;  take  hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession  in the presence of many witnesses.

8 Responses

  1. It sounds like you still have your sense of humor and are scripturally grounded. Will keep you in prayer if that’s alright with you.

    Our dog was diagnosed with cancer at Thanksgiving. He’s still with us today but chokes when drinking water.

    The marriage is a struggle for almost 22 years.

    I too, don’t care for the holidays. This month all three of us had our birthdays.

    1 Corinthians 12:26 “And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it…”

  2. Hi Kristina. As an aside, cumby, I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. I know how much you love your animals.

    And Kris, same thing. I will pray for both of you. It’s absolutely one of the hardest things in this world, suffering the loss of our pets. I wish I could help take your pain away.

    As for the depression, when I first started with horrible depressions, I felt hopeless, like life would never get any better, I had reached the bottom and there was no further left to fall. But the older I got, the more I realized that my depressions, too, were cyclical. That provided the hope I needed; it’s cyclical so that means it’s bad now, but it will get better. Once I learned how to ride it out, they seemed not quite so bad.

    My favorite verse when I’m troubled or depressed: Isaiah 41:10.
    “Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

    God be with you!

  3. Thanks for your blog! I tried for several days to add your spot to my blog list (if you looked @ who was visiting your blog you may have seen my address several times :-) )..I clicked every tab/ read all the forum information/frequently asked questions…wasted hours trying to activate that feature..you know why? Because I think your blog and a few other ones’ I’ve been reading are worth drawing attention to…God is real in your life…(even when you are strugging w/ being down.) I’m glad you are still writing even in the hard times. DM

  4. Hey Kris,

    Sorry to hear you are struggling today. Depression sucks. I did pray for you.

    Maybe its the infamous “Post Deaconess Depression” I’ve heard about on the news?

    I don’t have a solution, but how ’bout I quote all the Christian cliches that WON’T help?–maybe it’ll give you a chuckle when people come and say these things to you. None of them are true, and yet idiots say them anyway:

    “Just place it in Jebus hands sister.”

    “When I was depressed I just learned to walk in victory” (This one is usually followed a long story glorifying the speaker and degrading you for your lack of faith…)

    “Well, all I know is, if you are depressed there must be some sin in your life.”

    “Just pretend to be happy.”

    “You just need the JOY OF THE LORD.”

    “You’re depressed because you don’t have a purpose–being a homemaker leaves you feeling unfulfilled. You just need to get a job.”

    “Depression is just a pity party.”

    “It’s your fault.”

    “It’s your husband’s fault.”

    “It’s your son’s fault.”

    “It’s because you spend too much time on the computer.”

    “It’s because you’re lazy.”

    “It’s because you’re too busy.”

    “You just need to rest.”

    “You just need to get out there and do something.”

    These should probably cover you for now. You might want to make a checklist and put it by the phone. That way when someone calls you can just check the counsel you get from them and put their name next to it.

    SLIGHTLY CLINICAL CONTENT – USE OR REJECT AS YOU SEE FIT

    I’m not a psychologist, but I play one on the internet.

    I don’t know how you define depressed, but it is often helpful to be able to put a quatatative value to the level of depression you are experiencing. There is an online test here you may find helpful:

    http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?id=973&type=doc&cn=Depression%20(Unipolar)

    Again, accept this advice or reject it as you see fit. I just thought you might find it helpful.

  5. Kevin;
    I was actually diagnosed with bi-polar, manic and other clinical forms of depression and have been on every kind of med. for it. including some non-presciption stuff (vodka mostly)
    I wish my ‘depression’ only lasted a day or 2, but alas, it lasts for weeks, it is getting better, and the ‘episodes’ do get shorter. Just knowing there is hope, helps and consciencely (sp?) looking to the Lord to rest in Him.
    Yeah, I’ve heard all those things. Most people have no idea about real or clinical depression, so the trite things come out of their mouths. And most of time when Im like this, i hide out in the house until it passes, because i usually end up getting myself into trouble with my mouth. So i just lay low for a while.
    Tho sometimes I can’t lay my finger on the cause, most of the time it is my own sin that causes it. But knowing the cause is the best way to deal with it and get it over with.

    as for the test:
    Score Interpretation
    54 and up Severely Depressed
    36 – 53 Moderate – Severe
    22 – 35 Mild – Moderate
    18 – 21 Borderline depression
    10 – 17 Possibly Mildly Depressed
    0 – 9 No Depression Likely

    You scored a total of 21.

    You appear to experiencing some very mild depressive symptoms, many of which are commonly found amongst the general population, but border on the possibility of a depressive episode. It is unclear as to whether you suffer these problems severely enough to need to seek further diagnosis and treatment of them.

    I cant even tell you how many of those tests I have taken. Most of them before my walk with the Lord started.
    I actually do better now becuz i dont medicate (with vodka) or meds or even food. (tho I am jonesing for some hot tamales)
    Thanks for the prayers, really, it does really mean something to have people pray for me~ :)

  6. I wasn’t meaning to pry, so I hope it was helpful. I have other friends who have been diagnosed as bi-polar and a couple of them have been able to function without meds (or self-medicating), though it is a struggle. You have a great deal of faith and resolve to be med free.

    Have some tamales (BFL can let you off the hook for one meal) and if you feel the need to use “strong language” you can always come over to the church.

    I will add you to my prayer cards so you get permanent prayer.

  7. [...] suffer from bouts of depression, to read my story here, to combat this – read this. trust me 3 follow Jesus 3 ~yes, I agree Pastor Melissa Scott [...]

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