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My Arch Nemesis ~ Myself

I think. Alot. Too much. I also can talk a lot. I need to talk, its my way of processing things, I guess.

I feel better when I have someone to talk to. I also have abused that right/privilege on occasion.

I used to talk to my son. About things that I probably shouldn’t have. Adult things, my things, problems, wishes, positive and negative.

I try to talk to my husband. He doesn’t listen very well. It makes me feel like I am not important to him. I get frustrated, disappointed and mad with him.

I have/had a few friends I could confide in but managed to make a mess out of that.

I started seeing a counselor. again. I have to pay to get to talk to someone. But I am trying to talk myself out of going to her. I wanted someone to just tell the things that were bothering me and have them tell me whether I was right or wrong. I pretty much know if I am in the wrong, I need to change. How to change… not so much.

Figuring out why I am like I am… not too hard.

Lots of family issues.

I try to talk to my mom. She does all the talking. Not a word gets in that doesn’t come from her mouth. Of course when I do get to talk, I get those words used against me. I was always talked down to, told I was stupid, not affirmed. My family is very negative. I inherited that. I hate that about myself.

I can almost self-counsel myself.

Example: why do I get mad at my hubby when he ignores me? How do I handle it? How can I get him to realize its important to me? If he just never gets it, how do I deal with it?

Its one thing to lay all your hope, joy and satisfaction in Christ. But quite another to walk it out in everyday life.

Why do I not like physical displays of affections? Why am I so negative? Why do harp/bitch/nag? Why do I get all angsty over certain stuff? Why do I let others get ‘under my skin’?

I have tried all the suggestions counselors have given me before. but they don’t seem to work. Why does my circumstances or other people affect my attitude so much?

How do i fix it?

fighting-against-yourself-23632042

 

 

Feelings….Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Feelings

Was working on my bible study and these words came up: 
I had thought that passion and compassion were opposites, but I am wrong.
I see that compassion comes with a prefix and suffix; a desire to alleviate the suffering or misfortune of another being.
Compassion is what we, as a whole, lack. 
Thats all I got. 
Be blessed, pray about these words and how we can incorporate them into our lives. 
Compassion
noun
1.

a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
verb (used with object)
2.

Archaic. to compassionate.
bible gateway    most of the time compassion is used to describe the Lord toward His people.
BBB classic  synonym~mercy
~~
Passion
noun
1.

any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2.

strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3.

strong sexual desire; lust.
4.

an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5.

a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6.

a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything:

a passion for music.
7.

the object of such a fondness or desire:

Accuracy became a passion with him.
bible gateway  only in new testament and always in the negative
BBB classic  to suffer, feel, be vexed
~~
Empathy
noun
1.

the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
2.

the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself:

By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.
~~
Sympathy
noun, plural sympathies.
1.

harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.
2.

the harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.
3.

the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, especially in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.
BBB classic    synonym for mercy

A Little Game of Catch-Up

so, hey, I’m still here. I come here and write things, but never finish.

I think of grandiose themes and rants and studies and research to put on here and then life grabs me and takes me in a different direction.

Probably a good thing, I have a habit of pissing people off. I think I am a realist. My hubby says I am a pessimist.

IMG_1000

 

My step son got married. They had a Day of the Dead wedding. Pretty crazy, pretty fun.

Samantha 92014 (2)This little girl was a client, she became real sick and I didn’t want her to die in her house alone. [the owner died and I am taking care of the 9 cats in their own home until owners can be found

oh, by the way, here is the listings for 2 of the cats: https://www.petfinder.com/pet-search?shelterid=WA618

So she died in my arms, cuddled in a blankie, warm and safe. Death is sad.

tempThese crazy kids are some of my clients. Lizzie, Triscuit, Ernie and Mickie.

IMG_20141008_132720I put my pig in a dress. Just like a 3 year old, she had it off in about 2 minutes. Priscilla turned 2 this month.

On Instagram there is a video of her eating her birthday pumpkin pie. Check it out at: http://instagram.com/kristinascrittercare

My son joined this network of bloggers and here is his 2nd post: http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/2014/11/04/suicide-prevention-overnight-walks/

more to come…..

 

 

 

Wisdom Garden of the Lord

As i was frantically searching for my Valley of Vision, WHICH I CANT FIND, I found this on my shelf. Pulled it out and read the first two meditations.

This sentence popped out of me:

Every day a thousand voices speak into my life and the vast majority of those voices have not gotten the flowers of their insight from the wisdom garden of the Lord.

He goes on to say all the [negative] things they tell him about who he is and and how he should live.

We all should go to the One True voice, we should all go sit in the wisdom garden at the feet of the Messiah.

~~

http://paultripp.com/

~~

~~

The Lord’s our Rock, in Him we hide,
A Shelter in the time of storm;
Secure whatever ill betide,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

Refrain

Oh, Jesus is a Rock in a weary land,
A weary land, a weary land;
Oh, Jesus is a Rock in a weary land,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

A shade by day, defense by night,
A Shelter in the time of storm;
No fears alarm, no foes afright,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

Refrain

The raging storms may round us beat,
A Shelter in the time of storm
We’ll never leave our safe retreat,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

Refrain

O Rock divine, O Refuge dear,
A Shelter in the time of storm;
Be Thou our Helper ever near,
A Shelter in the time of storm.

from here

What Should We Pray For? What do Blessings Look Like?

This song pretty much says it all:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/laura-story/blessings-lyrics/#AeP1CjUDHZWvW2EK.99

Musings on…. My Next Tattoo [?]

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/asktheexpert/sep13.html

The Certainty of God’s Promise
13 For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, 14 saying, “Surely I will bless you and multiply you.” 15 And thus Abraham,[b] having patiently waited, obtained the promise. 16 For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. 17 So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, 18 so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. 19 We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, 20 where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.

31nKDHBkKnL 5612ac0da0a089ca1c27aabc873f7140 cross-anchor-tattoo-with-wheel-rope

 

 

but on an owl:

owl_by_jjaade-d68z3h1 owl_outline_tattoo_by_jsgraphix-d3kg0a6 sugar_skull_owl_half_sleeve_tattoo_by_sam_phillips_nz-d53hpjn sugar_skull_owl_tattoo_by_sam_phillips_nz-d50s889

Thou Hidden Source of Calm Repose

Visited a different church today, another reformed church. Love the expository preaching. Text was Genesis 2:1-3.

Should we keep the Sabbath, make it holy? The resounding answer, yes.

 

1. Thou hidden source of calm repose,
thou all-sufficient love divine,
my help and refuge from my foes,
secure I am if thou art mine;
and lo! from sin and grief and shame
I hide me, Jesus, in thy name.

2. Thy mighty name salvation is,
and keeps my happy soul above,
comfort it brings, and power and peace,
and joy and everlasting love;
to me with thy dear name are given
pardon and holiness and heaven.

3. Jesus, my all in all thou art,
my rest in toil, my ease in pain,
the healing of my broken heart,
in war my peace, in loss my gain,
my smile beneath the tyrant’s frown,
in shame my glory and my crown.

4. In want my plentiful supply,
in weakness my almighty power,
in bonds my perfect liberty,
my light in Satan’s darkest hour,
in grief my joy unspeakable,
my life in death, my heaven in hell.

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